Lovers Scars (OLD VERSION)

Chapter 1

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made by simplylyanni :DDD

I may not be the most popular girl at our school, but I have lots of friends and everybody knows who I am. You can say that I'm a rich girl because I am. I have everything that I could ever want: my own room, a red sports car, a pool in my backyard, friends that although some talk behind my back, they're friends, a cocker spaniel called Princeton, a family and a boyfriend. However, those things have never been enough. I've always been an insecure person. I understand that everybody in this world has a small insecure side, but me? I'm different.  

Every time I look in the mirror, I only notice the bad things: one eye is smaller than the other and that their color is dark brown, which is so ordinary. My smile is ugly and my laugh is worse, I have small boobs, a small butt, the lack of curves my body has, my hair is dark brown and curly but I hate it, so I straighten it, my stomach is a little hairy, my skin tone is in-between white and dark... The list goes on and on. The point is that I don't trust myself or believe in myself. Sometimes I wonder what my boyfriend, Bradley, sees in me. I mean, there's not much to look at. There are much prettier girls at school, so why me? I think I've always been insecure, but it got worse one summer at modeling camp. 

FLASHBACK

I was sixteen and so excited to do something I've always wanted to try, which was modeling. When I got there everybody was so friendly, and the only thing they kept mentioning was how skinny I was, and I am. It's not because I don't eat because I eat a lot. I'm not bulimic either. I've never tried to put my finger down my throat; I hate throwing up. I prefer my meal to stay down. Anyway, everyday that went by was great until the second week; every girl would complement each other but they wouldn't complement me. At first, I let it pass, but it got to me. One day one of the teachers, that was my age, decided to do a self-esteem exercise. We had to draw ourselves. I'm not an artist but I tried my best at my drawing and it came out...decent. 

Eventually, the teacher came up to me and looked at my drawing, "Do you know what this picture says about you? It says you are un-happy and not confident with yourself", and then moved onto the next girl. I look down at my drawing; there was nothing wrong with it except from the small smile that should've been a huge one. I shrugged off what she said. The next thing to do was to write what we liked about ourselves, I wrote nothing.   

The teacher called out the first girl to say what she liked about herself. "I'm in love with my legs!" the girl said excitedly. The next girl said, "My lips". It's true; her lips are big and full. 

The girl beside her, as shy as I am, didn't say anything and the others started to say things like: "Are you blind? Look at your hair", and "Have you seen your eyes? Oh, and those curves!" They did the same thing with the other girls.  

Finally, it was my turn. The teacher said, "What did you write down on your paper?" I replied by saying nothing. Everybody just stared at me as my teacher said "You have self-esteem issues. Think again about what you like and write it down". I was shocked. I was hoping they would point out all the good things about me, to prove me wrong, but they didn't. I felt so alone right then and there.

That night, I got home crying my eyes out. Sometimes when I need to calm down, ice-cream helps. So I went to get a spoon and what caught my eye was a knife. I've never considered cutting myself; but that night I wanted to. I did it where no one could notice it: my breast. It left a huge scar, but I didn't care. It made me feel better. I focused on the pain instead of my other problems. The next day, I started searching through my dad's stuff for a pocket knife. I knew he wouldn't notice if it went missing. However, I didn't cut myself that day or the next.

End of Flashback

I don't feel loved by anyone; not even by my family. My dad is always working late or having an affair, which I always find out about. My mom always prefers to be with her friends, than her daughter and son. And lastly my brother Kyle, who says he loves me but he never spends time with me. He is always spending time with his girlfriend, Tiffany.

*** 

Of course, that was a year ago. Now, I have cuts on my chest, legs and wrists. They're mostly on my right wrist. To hide my scars, I have to wear long-sleeve shirts or a jacket. My brother thinks there's something going on with me because he found blood in the sink, plus paper towels and hand wipes covered in blood in the trash can. I tried to blame it on my period, but he knew I wasn't on. He probably didn't believe me either because of the blood in the sink. 

I hear a door close and I walk downstairs to see who it is. I roll my eyes when I notice it is my father with a different mistress. He must have gotten tired of the other one. It doesn't surprise me; she was very whiny.

"Hi, what's your name?"

I look at the mistress and don't respond, not because I don't want to but because not one of my father's toys have ever talked to me.

My father responds before I have a chance to recover from my initial shock. "She is my daughter. You don't have to worry about her."

With that said, dad pulls away the woman. She gives me an apologetic smile, which I find shocking once again, before she disappears into dad's studio.

I sit on the couch at the living room and start surfing through channels, not settling on anything since there's nothing interesting on television right now.

I hear the front door open and someone sits next to me. "Hey, sis. What you up to?"

I give him a bored look. "What does it look like?"

Kyle chuckles. "Never mind. I saw dad's car outside. What's he doing?"

I roll my eyes. "More like 'who' is he doing."

"Don't tell me there's another."

I nod. "This one is actually...nice."

Kyle's eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, she tried to have a conversation with me but dad just pulled her away into his studio. You know how it is. He doesn't want any of them involved with our family, although he's the exception in all this."

"I wish..." Kyle starts talking but I cut him off.

"I know, but mom is never here anywhere. I want to tell her but it's better if we leave it as it is."