All Caspar could hear was a soft click of an ended conversation.
If he had to pick one of the many emotions he was feeling right now, he'd pick dumbstruck. Caspar didn't actually think Evan would answer the phone. He didn't expect Evan to haul out of bed just to talk with him of all people. But there he was. Sitting in the middle of the park on a cold October night waiting for Evan to arrive. Caspar softly rubbed at his stinging eyes with the plush sleeve of his maroon sweater as he leant his head against the gnarled brown trunk of the cherry tree; its pastel petals protruding out against the night sky as millions of thoughts streamed through his mind. Caspar's brain was filled with thoughts of heaven, thoughts of hell, thoughts of living, and even thoughts of dying, but the most prominent topic that stuck to his mind like feathers to glue had to be flashes of midnight black hair and warm hazel eyes. The alluring image of Evan had been haunting the nooks and crannies of Caspar's mind for the past two months. Sometimes on good days the thought of being close enough to count his freckled skin drowned out the screaming of every other thought in his brain. Caspar has spent so many sleepless nights trying to name the different shades of magnificent color in Evans eyes, attempting to calculate the exact number of tan freckles, he'd even tried to figure out how many strands of raven feather soft hair were on his head. Caspar sighed softly, he knew he shouldn't think about Evan in such a way. He knew he shouldn't like, dare he say, love him. Because Caspar knew that the chance of Evan reciprocating his feelings was 1 in a million. And Caspar knew he himself was of fragile heart, and the mere thought of rejection sent a familiar squeeze to his soul. But the world was not in Caspar's favour, just as the pricking of tears began to burn his eyes Evan appeared on the worn cobble path mere yards away. He frantically attempted to hide the evidence of his sadness from the other boy but to no avail.
Suddenly Evan was no longer yards away, he was close enough that Caspar could see his disheveled ink colored hair, he could even smell the prominent scent of warm vanilla and sweet cinnamon sugar that always seem to cling to his tan skin.
"Cas, what are you doing out here! It's freezing." Evan scolded the smaller boy but when he saw Caspar's tear tracked cheeks and damp eyelashes his features immediately softened.
"Technically, it's not freezing." Caspar sniffled out, "it's 40 degrees fahrenheit, and the freezing temperature is 32, you should know that, Evan."
Evan couldn't help but slightly smile. Caspar never failed to amaze him with the power of his brain. Even if it was cold as shit and he was sitting alone in the park shivering like a leaf in the wind he had to point out that scientifically he was not in fact freezing.
"You're too literal for your own good, Cas." Evan quickly sat down on the frigid earth. He covered Caspar in his thick mist gray jacket. The younger boy automatically snuggled into the warm coat, inhaling its intoxicating scent.
Caspar's breath hitched slightly as Evan wrapped his arms around his slender waist. Now that seemingly simple gesture, sparked a fire to course through Caspar's veins. A fire so searing even icy winds couldn't cool down the heat that ignited under his skin.
"Now, are you going to tell me why you're out here shivering, and basically contemplating the meaning of the universe at 17 years old?" Evan asked with an impish grin turning Caspar so that he was looking directly into his golden eyes.
Caspar tried to bottle it up, he tried to say he was just being ridiculous and say everything was a-okay. He really did. But he just couldn't keep it inside anymore. He just couldn't look into those wonderful eyes layered with fondness, and lie. So he sighed in utter defeat and whispered, "It's just so hard. Everything is so freaking hard. When we're young we're all expected to be the greatest. We're held to such a high standard, like we need to be the most successful people in every way. But they don't teach us in school about how important our happiness is.We're basically told that happiness only come from absolute success. But then they tell us to do our best, but our best never seems to be enough. They want us to do more and more and more, we spend our lives trying to create a perception of what happiness is. Being on the godawful pedestal of first place succes. We spend our lives craving for it, for the glory of being on top. But we don't take the time to truly be happy. We don't take the time to live." Caspar's bloodshot eyes leaked with hot tears. "I just don't know what to do anymore." Caspar muttered.
