Zayn wants to tell Niall things but that never seems to happen. Until...
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Zayn's on the phone with Niall, he's sitting alone in his flat and it's midnight. He can tell Niall's getting restless and he wants to let Niall sleep but at the same time he wants to keep talking to Niall. He wants to tell Niall 'I like it when I'm talking to you because for at least a few minutes or hours or days, I can forget that I'm not okay.' But Zayn doesn't say that instead he says "Bye Ni, ill talk to you later" And Niall returns the goodbye but says I love you at the end, Zayn hesitates because he loves Niall but he feels like Niall is just trying to please him so that he wont go crazy, and be some lonely piece of shit- "I love you too" Zayn says quietly trying to make his head shut up for once but that doesn't seem to happen because Niall's already hung up and now Zayn's alone for no one to see him and he can unravel and let the moon see his dark soul, that the sun has no idea is so dark and sad.
Zayn keeps unraveling till the sun comes up and then he's in his cocoon again, he's 'happy' now.
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Their hanging with the lads, Louis jumping on Liam's lap and Harry and Niall laughing at his antics and Zayn's just sitting there gazing at everything, a shy smile on his lips. Him and Niall lock gazes for a second and Niall's looking at him like he's asking "What's wrong?" And Zayn wants to say 'Everything' but he doesn't he just smiles a big broken smile that he tries to make look real and Niall just looks for a second more before turning his head and laughing about a corny joke Harry said.
Zayn continues to sit there, gazing.
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The two of them are alone this time and Niall shaking his head saying he just has to leave and Zayn knows why and he wants to say 'I can feel you losing interest in me. I sigh too much and am much too hard to please. I think I told you not to leave. Please stay, I need your lungs to breathe.' But he doesn't because Niall is still leaving and Zayn can remember the time he told Niall to stay, stay, stay. Don't leave. Now Zayn's watching Niall's figure disappear out his front door.
Zayn continues to look after Niall's retreating figure.
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Zayn remembers their late night conversations but then the suns coming up and Zayn wants to say 'Thus the dawn turns into day, nothing golden can stay' but he doesn't. He also wants to say 'Why are you letting me fade away? Don't let me please no...' But again he doesn't because there's no one to talk to to say this to so;
Zayn continues to remember their past events until finally his eyes are tired from staring at the wall in front of him, and his brain is fried from to much thinking and too much memories.
He finally falls asleep.
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Zayn wakes up to someone whispering in his ear and he can feel the warmth of the persons arms that are wrapped around him. Zayn blinks open his eyes and his visions a bit hazy but he can make out Niall's figure. Niall's just looking at him smiling softly, while Zayn's staring at him like he'd never see him again because he thought, he thought when Niall left two day ago he'd never see him again. But low and behold is Niall right in front of him, smiling at him a sparkle in those blue eyes.
And Zayn wants to say 'I fell in love with you because of the million things you never knew you were doing' But he doesn't he just smiles back.
Zayn continues to lay with Niall until, Niall insists on eating breakfast.
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Niall's pulling Zayn along the side walk, it's cold, really cold and Zayn's trying to snuggle up to Niall so his warmth can radiate to Zayn's cold body. Even though he's bundle up in a thick jacket, his bones are shuttering and he can feel the goosebumps rise upon his skin. They stop at a park that's drenched in snow but there's a mistletoe all green and red dangling in front of the water fountain. Niall's smiling as if to say 'I did this for you, do you like it?' and Zayn wants to say 'It's not even Christmas, but I love it I love you I love what you've done for me, everything you've done' And Zayn does he says it and he says it loud and makes sure Niall hears him because he hates being so quiet and not telling Niall how he feels when Niall says his feelings all the time.
Then their kissing right under the mistletoe and no it's not Christmas its late November, close enough. Niall's got his hands around Zayn's waist and Zayn's got his arms loop around Niall's neck one hand holding his neck playing with the blonde strands with his eyes clenched shut tight. His lashes tickling Niall's face and it's perfect! This is perfect, everything's perfect. Zayn thinks and he's happy that for once he said how he feels and maybe he should to it more often.
Zayn continues to kiss Niall until their toes are numb and they can barley feel their own chapped lips, with their cheeks stained pink and red.
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