Isa

Again..

I make it home later that night around 4 o'clock in the morning.

I push my key in the door unlocking it. I walk in not surprised to see my brother passed out on the couch.

I sigh walking up the stairs silently and up to my bedroom where I open the door.

I take one look at the mess before scrunching up my nose. I hang my purse on the back of the door.

Before going around and putting all of my clothes and stuff in the dirty laundry hamper.

I then pick up my photo album of my parents and me sitting down on the carpeted floor.

I cross cross my legs leaning back on my bed opening to the first page of the album.

I look down at the picture of me when i was two and William was seven, We are standing side by side and our smiles are bright and our eyes dancing with happiness.

I sigh and squeeze my eyes tightly closed as tears rush to my eyes. I pick up the weathered photo in my fingers as my hand shakes and  a tear falls down my cheek.

I put the photo down, and turn the page to the photo album. I pick up one of the pictures sighing as tears rush to my eyes like a overflowing river.

They fall down my cheeks one by one, as i look at the photo's of me and my parents a Will.

God i would do anything to go back in time and just go home with my brother instead of making my parents come get me.

The tears pick up until i am having a hard time catching my breath. I sob into the early morning curling up in a ball and letting all the pain leave me.

Sometime later in the morning i have stopped crying and i am just sitting and staring at the photo album blankly. 

I hear a soft knock on the door but i don't make a move to get up. i just ignore it and stare at the photo's blankly pushing away all signs of emotion.

"It's me! i wanted to apologize! for last night!" i hear someone call through the door but i still make no move to get up and answering the door.

i hear the door open and someone walk in. I don't turn that way i just stare at the photo album alone. tears no longer in my eyes.

Suddenly i remember this poem from one of my favorite authors.

you are surrounded bloodied heart turning it jet black and lights on fire like coal and flame. Your as attracted as a moth to a flame..

Your goals and dreams sink down into the depths of your memories. all the happy times leave you and all that hits you is a deep depression.

You sink in and out of depression. you are slowly falling. No one notices.. you rebel to get attention. Your heart it's too much to bear.

you wish to take it all away with a simple move. My heart aches and the pain surrounds me and covers me like a big dark blanket.

You try to help me...

but you can't fix someone who is unfix-able ...

"shh.. it's okay" i feel arms go around me.

I push that person away casually. Erick looks at me, i shrug and close the photo album shoving it under my bed.

i then grab my purse digging around in it before pulling out a thin cigarette before i stand up walking to my window opening it and climbing out onto the roof. Erick follows me out and sits next to me on the roof.