The Cycle

Prologue

Dear who ever reads this,

You're a stranger and so am I but despite that fact, I'm just going to..spill everything I guess. God, I feel such a nerd doing this but okay.

First off, I'm an asshole okay. I piss people off and still, I smile at them. I curse a lot and even inside the classroom and I don't care. Multiple teachers get mad at me for always being late.

However, I never change for anyone even if it's for my sake. Being this way gives me shield from everyone. I never want someone to break into me and all the walls I caved in to me.

I'm lonely and I am desperate. For the love and the reassurance someone is there for me. I can never ever be back to who I was when I was younger. I can never be that boy who is joyful and jolly. All the smirks I have are just a show for them to see. I just want to be happy.

The feeling of their heart crushed in my palms and tears make me feel that I'm not just the only one who feels this way. I'm sorry for that. I just want to get back to myself but it's so hard, so very difficult.

I know what will be of me in the future- alone, sad and lifeless even if my heart beats. All I will have is the company of my heartbeat, no one will ever be there to break this silence. I just want to be freezed in the moments where I worried about nothing and no one. The times when I really loved someone.

So hey, I'm opening up to you. Well, let's go back in time when I was in my early teenage years, yeah?

Those times when

I just wanna be me.

I was just human.

I wanted someone to accept me.

I wanted someone to understand me.

But no one ever did.

I'm sorry.

Signed.

-A.A.