How to Annoy People Around You

How to Annoy People in Public

1. Be annoying on public transportation. People on public transportation are prime targets for your annoying behavior. They are often tired after a long day of work or weary after a frustrating day of travel. Here are some ways to really get under their skin:

        ~ If you're on an airplane, try to take up as much space as possible. Stick out your arms and elbows and make a point of stretching your arms so far that they get in the way of your seat mate.
     

       ~ If you're sitting by the window, get up often so the other people in your aisle have to stand. Announce, "I have such a small bladder!" You can also make them get up for you, and once you're in the aisle, say, "Whoops--never mind!" and make them get up again so you can be seated.

        ~ If you're sitting next to someone who is particularly nervous, keep asking if they think the plane is making a funny sound. When it takes off, pretend to pray or hyperventilate.

        ~ If you're on a bus or a train, sit right next to a person even if there are plenty of available seats.

     ~ Have a loud one-sided conversation on the phone. Make sure everyone can hear you. If someone asks you to shut up, whisper loudly.

       ~ Strike up a conversation with someone who is obviously tired and wants to be left alone. Say annoying things like, "Hey, why do you look so tired?"

If there aren't many available seats, throw your bags over an extra seat. If someone asks you to move your stuff so he can sit down, shrug and say, "Sorry, I'm saving this for a friend."

2. Be a clown during sporting events. Sporting events are full of people who are excited to be there and eager to see their teams win. Many of these people will consider it the best part of their week. What better place to be annoying?

       ~ Cheer loudly--for both teams. First, cheer loudly for just the away team, until the fans around you get annoyed. Once you've sufficiently annoyed them, start cheering for the other team! Cheer any time anyone does anything.

       ~ Bring lots of annoying props such as bullhorns, vuvuzelas, or even maracas to make as much noise when you cheer as possible.

      ~ Be disruptive. Get up as much as possible, especially if you're sitting in the middle of a long aisle. Stand up to block the view of the person behind you during crucial moments in the game. Talk loudly during key moments.

     ~ Spill your food. Spill your popcorn, soda, or even your nachos all around you. Your fellow audience members will love that. Bonus points if you blame them for making you trip.

     ~ Pretend you don't know the rules of the game. This is a sure-fire way to annoy devoted fans. Cheer wildly when nothing is happening in the game, and ask the people around you to explain the rules multiple times.

     ~ You'll be especially annoying if you mix up the rules of different sports. For example, if someone kicks a goal during a soccer game, scream, "Touchdown!" If someone scores during a football game, cry, "Home run!"

3. Act like a fool at a museum. Museums are places where people like to be quiet and respectful. They come to admire great art and take themselves seriously. Here are some ways to undermine their sober demeanors:

     ~ Be loud. Laugh to yourself, talk on your phone, or send loud text messages. Everyone will love this.

     ~ Loudly shush people. Until you get thrown out, pretend to be working at the museum and ask people who aren't talking to be quiet.

    ~ Do you want to know the number one way to annoy people at a modern art museum? After spending a long time inspecting a strange sculpture or a confounding painting, loudly exclaim, "I could do that!"