some times the happiest you are, is when your doing horrible things, when you think those thoughts. When you suddenly feel aggressive and do not mean harm at all. It happens to me a lot, ill be sitting with my friend and ill just get hit with it! the idea to beat her, i smile for a split second then fade back into our conversation laughing happy as always. But i know that its there and i've been overly aggressive towards her recently i dont know why its getting a bit uncontrollable. Anyway the weirdest thing is its a horrible thought i want her to be safe from this exact thing but its just fear i see, its just that glint in someones eye and you just want to get so rough you could strangle them...... i dont mean to hurt anyone by gods im one of the most harmless people at times! but its the thoughts of that its enjoyable to see fear, and its so easy to scare her! She gets hurt easily and i just......lose control.....it feels like i have no control over my actions sometimes and i regularly ask her questions if i hurt her in anyway and i do sometimes. Its just a nightmare for me knowing that this is a thing and its happening to me and im doing it to someone im so close to.....
