Complicated

CHAPTER 1-MISSING YOU

Alexandra

"Just leave your lover, leave her for me. Leave your lover, leave her for me~"

It was Sam Smith's song but I made a girl version of it. I can compare myself to it. Seeing the man I truly love being with someone else makes me feel like my heart would be torn into parts and I don't even know how to puzzle it back up. Still hoping he would be back in my arms again.

As I finished singing the song, I heard someone clapped their hand.

Justin Drew Donovan was standing right behind me watching me intently as I started my way towards him.

I call him JD. He's tall, around 6'3ft? I'm not quite sure. He's tan and is really handsome.

"Oh, hi JD. What brought you here?" Towering above me, he smiled sweetly.

"Why? Do I need to have a reason just to be here? I just wanna see you. I miss you." he pulled me closer to him and I felt his lips on mine.

I did not felt anything. Not a single spark. Just plain nothing.

Maybe because I just don't feel the way he feels towards me.

I immediately pulled away like I've touched a hot surface.

"I'm sorry but you know we've already talked about this, JD. Don't make me change my mind." I started packing my things including the guitar I brought here.

He sighed. He knew I was upset and didn't like what he did.

"I couldn't really make you love me the way you love him eh.. but always remember this Lex, I'll always be by your side whatever happens."

And then, he hugged me.

"I know, and I'm sorry J. I admit, I tried but, I don't know. It's just that,--"

I fucking tried but fuck my heart still belongs to him.

"It's okay Lex. You don't need to apologize. I already knew but still, I was the one pushing myself to you. Well, at least I tried."

He just smiled but I know better. I can see it right in his eyes that he's hurt. I really can't force myself into loving him and even if I do try, there's still someone in my heart that I don't know if I'll ever forget about.

"Thanks, JD. I love you."

"I know, but not the way I want you to." He pointed out. Damn this man. *sigh*

"Someday, someone will. I know, someone out there is meant for you, and that, I think isn't me. The one who will love you wholeheartedly. I don't deserve you. You're caring, basically, you're everything that every woman would die for to have. You'll meet the woman of your life. Soon."

I told him and that made him feel better.

"Oh, right. Right. Okay. "

He messed my hair and with that, I know we're back to normal.

"So?" I asked him expectantly to tell me why he's here.

He's working already in one of his father's hotels. He took over it after he graduated last year.

"I just want to see and I'm off today. I have nothing to do in the house and thought of why not visit you."

"You better have some break with all your workloads. Look at you, you look 10 years older now." I was just teasing him. He looks so mature now that he had taken over his father's company.

"Hey! I'm still hot though. See that?" He said while flexing his arms

"Whatever. I'm hungry "

"Wanna grab something?" He asked.

"Sure."

We went out to the parking area of the school and went to his car.

He opened the door for me. As I was about to step inside, I saw Xian.

JD saw where I was looking and he saw him too.

I got inside the car immediately but my eyes were still on Xian.

He's also heading to his car. I hadn't noticed that he's with a girl and he's holding her hand tightly as his life depends on it.

It's his girlfriend.

He opened the car for her and I hadn't noticed that I was on the brink of tears. It's just because I can't afford to have him back again. I'm a coward. I know.

JD made his way on the other side of the car as soon as I've stepped inside.

"Earth to Alexandra. Heeey."

"Hey, sorry. We're you telling me something?"

He held my hand and looked me in the eyes.

"You zoned out. What are you thinking? I know you're not okay so I won't ask. Tell me what's bothering you."

"Naaah, it's nothing. I just need some McDonald's fries. Your treat? Hihihi." I diverted the subject and it looks like he got what I meant. I don't feel like reminiscing a bad memory now.

I smiled to convince him and so we took our way to the nearest McDonald's from school.

While we are on our way, I thought about Xian. I miss the way he holds my hand. I miss the feeling of his lips on mine. I miss his tender touch, his sweet smile. I miss him.

What could've had it been if the accident didn't happen?