SoraMafu Stories~ [Part 3]

You Are So Beautiful (Part 1)

A/N : Some hardcore angst here. Prepare yourself. Real life story so don't make fun of it.

      Mafu stared at himself in the mirror lifelessly. His whole body stink of vomit, but he paid it no mind. He have not flushed the toilet, he knew, but he made no move towards it. Instead, he continued staring at his reflection, before transferring his attention to the small box he held in his hands. With trembling hands, he took out a blade, glinting in the light. He knew that this is wrong, but he couldn't help himself. It is almost against his will, given how robotic his moves are. 

Go die. 

You don't deserve to live.

You are just so ugly.

Can you just stop being such an attention whore?

Can't you just accept that no one actually likes you?

        The tears starts to roll down his cheeks, and the albino took in a shuddering breath. All he had ever wanted are for the thoughts to just stop. He had managed to avoid them for the past month, but he can't really do that today. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he met his past friends today, and they had insulted them. Like last time.
           He remembered how they would laugh at him after ridiculing him, how they would insult him when he cried, and tell him that he does not deserve to live.

Nothing had changed.

            Mafu made a slow cut on his wrist, and gritted his teeth in pain. He knew he would need to finish fast, as Soraru is coming home. He cut his wrist again and again, wincing ever so slightly whenever he accidentally cut deeper than what he wanted. "I'm sorry," he got out between sobs, accidentally pressing deeper and crying out.
            He knew, deep inside, he deserved the pain he inflicted to himself. The voice knew that weakness, and attacked it, whispering more harsh, and painful words.

Can't you just die somewhere?

Can't you see that none of your friends like you?

They are just keeping you for fun, don't think that they are your friends.

Don't think about Soraru too, you know he will break up with you soon.

Who will love you?

You are worthless, anyway.

        Mafu laughed bitterly, his eyes tearing up even more. "Stop it-!" He cried out, staring down at his wrists. He heard someone knock and stood up hurriedly, flushing the toilet and keeping his small box and throwing it under the bed when he exited the bathroom.
           He knew that Soraru left his keys in their house when he went out, it is one of the reasons he is doing this to himself. And he hated every moment of being away from Soraru. It made him feel small, and worthless, and unloved. But he ignored that feeling, and pulled down his sleeves so that it covered his arms and opened the door.
           "S-Soraru-san? You lost your keys?" He asked, hoping his lover doesn't realize that he is acting. He had messed up his hair then, because he is trying to pretend like he just woke up. "Um, no, I left it home." Mafu scrunched up his face. "You did?" Liar, the voice whispered to him, and his heart felt like it's bleeding. He absolutely hates lying to Soraru.
           "Mhm," Soraru agreed lazily, and cupped Mafu's head, pulling him into a kiss. After they pulled away, Soraru turned into the living room. "I bought dinner, Mafu. I hope it's okay?" "So I won't be eating your cooked food?" The albino giggled, earning an eye roll from Soraru. "No, idiot, but since you love it so much I'll cook tomorrow."
             Mafu does not feel like eating, to be honest, but he loves food, and could not resist it. He guessed he would just have to vomit them back up if he really feels like it.

"Let's eat, Soraru-san! I'm really hungry!"

A/N : You know where this is going, unfortunately. Oh yeah, actually I wrote this bc of my stressed up feelings, and I cut myself after a month again, yea-

Btw I wrote this while listening to soraru's nandemonaiya (I think that's what it's called, idk)

-Aru