FAKE

twenty.

(the one during exam week)

SUNDAY

"I'm not even sure of what this word actually means" I let my head down as I looked at Isaiah with sad eyes. We had been studying Language and Composition for our AP exam, but I couldn't focus. Ever since Zayn and I had kissed (and then we had kissed over and over again), I could barely exist. He had left the next day, since he had to get back to London to record, but we had been keeping in touch. He was being nicer as ever and, even though I didn't want to, I was growing excited with the idea of being with him. If there was something that I had learned since he had arrived in Hadley is that Zayn Malik is my forever (and that I am his).

"Gabrielle", I heard Isaiah recite, "did you hear me?"

"What? No, no, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

With this, Isaiah sighed and I couldn't blame him. I was being impossible. We had been stuck in the same question for over an hour and I was being useless.

"Compunction. The word is compunction. Any idea of what it means?"

"Yeah... isn't it the deep regret that one feels usually after a misdeed."

He sighed, yet again, and closed his book.

"Exactly right!", he laughed, "if you knew this, why didn't you answer faster?"

"I'm sorry, Isaiah. I just...I'm very distracted today. I'd totally understand if you wanna leave and study alone, I doubt that I'll get anything done today. I'm just too...off"

"Is it about Zayn?"

"Well, yeah", I admitted, "Him and some other things", I sighed again, "I just have been considering a lot of things lately".

"How is he like?", he asked, out of nowhere in my opinion (even though, in further thought, it made a lot of sense. Zayn had been to Hadley, but none of my friends had met him. They must be wondering about him), "I mean, personally. We never met, y'know?"

"Well, he's difficult. Very difficult. That's why I didn't introduce you. I knew he was gonna make a big deal out of it. He's not like Harry."

"I like to believe that we're friends. Isn't that right?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because we're friends, Gabrielle and like it or not we're all you have here. You should have introduced us to "the love of your life"". The last part, he air-quoted, and that made me sick.

"Listen, Isaiah", I muttered quietly, "the whole business with Zayn is something not even I can get to understand. I wish –and trust me that I really do- that I could introduce you to him and manage to hold a nonchalant attitude, but how could I? He's clearly not just my friend. It would physically hurt me to tell you that he's only my friend, but, yet again, he's engaged and whatever we are or whatever I want us to be...it's not right. I am in a huge conflict with myself and I don't know how to fix it. It is killing me, Isaiah, it really is."

After this, he stayed quiet. I guess that he realized that there wasn't much more to say. He was right in a way though. These guys were the reason I was happy in Hadley, yet I had failed to mention them to Zayn. Yet again, I had failed to mention everything to Zayn. My mind had been going around a million different things when he was here.