Rush Me

"I couldn't tell you when it began; it's been happening for as long as I can remember. The earliest memory I have of him was when I was just six years old. I was on the front lawn of my parents' house playing with my toys when I saw him, I'm not sure where my mother was but she was there somewhere— maybe she had fallen asleep while reading. He was crouched in front of me and asking me about my toys. If I liked them and if I wanted to see his toys.

'They're much better than yours, and I know you'll like them much more than the ones your parents bought you.' He held his hand out for me and I looked up at him with my big brown eyes full of wonder and curiosity. I put my tiny hand in his cold, large one. He grasped my hand and slowly led me away from my home. I remember my amazement, all directed at the ethereal beauty his exhibited.

We were heading towards the street and were about to step off of the sidewalk in front of my house. In the distance, if I was older and more conscious of my surroundings, I would've heard the speeding car coming from afar.

'Cora!' My mother called to me in a frantic state seeing me in a precarious situation. She ran to me as I looked back at her, still holding on to his hand. We were just about to step off the curb and into the street when she ripped my hand from his and pulled me back onto the safety of the sidewalk. She held me in her arms while I looked for him but failed to find him. I didn't understand at the moment, of course, only being six, but he had disappeared. Later on I learned that my mother never saw him that day and believes I went off on my own chasing a balloon.

When I was eight there was another incident. I was at a friend's pool party. We were in the community pool surrounded by adults so we were obviously safe, right? Looking back I should've known whoever he was must've been a very dangerous person because he tried it right in front of so many people. So there I was splashing about with Marissa when I saw him again. He looked just as I had remembered him; perfect, attractive, like prince charming from all stories my mother read to me.

He was in the middle of the pool, closer to the deeper end than to me, fully clothed no less, rated one hand to beckon me and there was absolutely nothing that I could do. I was drawn to him like he was my favorite candy and I had to have him. I almost reached him when he walked closer to me, him still being able to reach the bottom but my short stature preventing me from getting less than a foot away from him.

He smiled at me and I would've sworn all my toys and my piece of the birthday cake that the sun came from behind his eyes, from within him. Still smiling, he pointed at me and then himself, in a signal for me to copy him, then went under water. He stayed there for what felt like an eternity in my eight year-old mind, but was maybe 30 seconds at most, still longer than I could hold my breath. He came up and I was amazed.

'You can do it, too, you know? I'll tell you when to come up.' I nodded my head vehemently, desperate to impress this stranger that even at a young age I knew was incredibly devastatingly alluring. I looked at him, plugged my nose and went into the death trap. He went down with me, I opened my eyes, not wanting to miss a second of him. Below the water, the chlorine stung my eyes, but I refused to close them. His encouraging nods and playful eyes kept me down when I wasn't struggling to hold my breath. After ten seconds, I had to hold on to his bicep to anchor me down.

His eyes mirrored the pool in their depth and clarity, and observing them is where I found peace in my attempt to gain his acceptance. The muffled noise above the water was growing louder but dimmer at the same time. It seemed like it was about to be night time, 'Had I done it?' I thought. I felt my eyelids getting closer and closer together, succumbing to the stinging but I kept shaking myself awake, needing to see him. He noticed what was happening and rested his hand on mine, and nodded his head understandingly, giving me permission, almost, to close my eyes.