The Mark of a Death Eater : Sequel

Chapter Twelve

"I cannot apologize enough Emma."

Narcissa sat next to my bed with a glass of water in her hands. I could see cold drops of condensation forming on the outside and watched them. It was better than looking at her face and seeing her pity. Narcissa was amazing, and in a lot of ways she had come to take the mother-like role in my alternate life, but she wasn't my mother. No matter how much I didn't like my mother, no matter how much I tried to push her away as a penance for her negligence, she was still my mum. She and Zayn's mother, Rose, had been friends since our birth. My mother had brought Zayn and I together, and what I really wanted right now, was her.

"I've told you before, it's not your fault Narcissa," I sighed.
She was quiet for a while, absently smoothing out my gold quilt. The small act reminded me of my mother, when she'd sit on my bed, not really wanting to apologize for whatever argument we'd had but wanting me to forgive her anyway.

"Emma. You're going to have to talk about it sometime. I know it's hard, but it's been weeks."
Two and a half weeks, to be precise.
I didn't want to hear all of this. I already knew the speech by heart.
'Get out of bed, Emma. Come and eat Emma. I'm so sorry Emma. You have to put on a brave face Emma...'

And I had. After that first week, which no one mentioned again, I managed to carry on. Narcissa's face the next morning was a mingled look of pity and disappointment. I hated knowing that I had reacted exactly how The Dark Lord wanted me to, but I hoped that he would leave me alone now.

'You got what you wanted. You broke me. Are you happy now?'

I woke early every day, if I slept at all, I ate and spoke, if necessary, to the other people in the household. I pretended like it didn't matter.

I found that if I ignored it, it made it easier to deal with.

Draco had been off with You Know Who. He followed him around like a proper little Death Eater and did things that I didn't want to talk about. I knew that it wasn't by choice, and I knew I'd have to join him soon. For the moment, I was stuck with Caspar. The man who helped kill my family. Every time I looked at him, I wondered if he was the one who killed Zayn, and if not, which Death Eater was responsible? When I voiced my thoughts to Narcissa, she shut me down immediately.
"There's no point in thinking about that. What would you do? Kill them as penance?"

She was right, as usual. What I really wanted was someone to blame. Someone who I could be angry at and hurt, someone who I could point the finger at for this. But the only person responsible was me. My best friend and his family died because of me. A year ago, I could have stopped all of this from happening had I done what was asked of me. Now, all the people that I cared about were in danger.

Hatred was a weak word for what I felt for myself.

"I have to leave soon," I told Narcissa. "If you'll excuse me."

"Of course." Narcissa stood up and brushed the creases out of her black velvet robe. "Goodnight Emma."

"Goodnight Narcissa."

The door clicked softly as she shut it. As soon as she was out of the room, I got dressed. Casper's work wasn't pretty, but it was work that needed doing.

That's what I kept telling myself.

I walked softly downstairs, so that the demons wouldn't wake up.

Caspar was waiting in the front hallway, tucking his tight sleeves into his gloves. Did he go anywhere without those? Maybe the gloves kept his hands clean; literally, not figuratively.
When he saw me coming his expression turned wary.