Engulfed in Fear

Engulfed in Fear

Prologue

Everything has a solution in life, everything; the only thing that doesn't have a solution is death. Life isn't a game where you can mess up, die, and restart all over again with three more lives. Life is a one time deal; you die and that's it, there's no restarting life. Truly, I wish this advice had stuck in my head; I wish I could've listened to my families' reassurance and let all their advice sink into my mind. All my life I have been stuck with this anxiety, this worry that just never made sense, but I indulged in these worrisome thoughts nonstop. You only live once –I know it's so cliché but just hear me out-- so learn from my mistakes and enjoy life on earth while you're here. Grab all that worry, that depression, that anxiety and crush it out of your life; it's only going to ruin you in the end.

What did I worry about? How did my depression start? My anxiety? At seven years old, after watching a very terrifying five minutes of Jaws, teeth-chattering, legs shaking, I walk into the bathroom and right when I'm about to sit down to do my business, a sudden thought occurred to me: a scene in Finding Nemo. You know, the one where Nemo is flushed down the toilet and goes through these pipes straight to open ocean? I immediately jumped up and realized, all color rushing out of my face, what if a shark swims through those pipes and bites me when I'm peeing or something?

There's the start of my worrying mind; it may have started when I was younger, but what was I supposed to remember when I was toddler? It went from avoiding going to the restroom to leaving the shower curtain slightly open just in case the shark jumped out and ate me when I was taking a shower.

Just to let you know, that fear was still in effect till I was fifteen years old. Talk about stupid, right? Who would actually believe a shark would come out of the toilet and eat them? Well... I did. I did, and because I did, I suffered through a lot of uncontrollable anxiety, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of nightmares. Why? I don't know; that's just how my mind worked...

From the fear of sharks coming out of the toilet went to a tornado coming and hitting my house, killing my family and me along it's path. I live in South Florida, and there may be a couple tornado watches here and there, but trust me, I've never seen a tornado in my life, ever. Why did I fear this if I knew that the chances of that happening were very slim? I don't know. It was always so confusing for me; it was just so much worrying when I could've been living my life, my beautiful, beautiful life.

After tornadoes came fear of every natural disaster out there; earthquakes, tsunamis, lightning striking me, volcanoes, just anything almost impossible that can happen to me. After natural disasters, fear of catching the swine flu when that was spreading throughout the United States. Fear of having cancer, AIDS, even through I wasn't born with it or could get it cause I wasn't involved in any sexual activity. The fear of illnesses were probably the worst... they went to the point where I did get sick with the feeling of having those exact same symptoms, but I really didn't have those illnesses... It's incredible how the mind works and can make you think the impossible.

To this day, what is my current anxiety- provoking thoughts? Fears? The exact same thing as my former fears. The secret behind those fears; the key factor that scared me to death about those fears: the fear of dying. I am a sixteen-year-old young woman, who was healthy, apart from the depression and anxiety part, that showed no signs of dying anytime soon whatsoever. It was only the thoughts of something coming out of nowhere and killing me spontaneously that triggered that terror.

Diagnosed with OCD, taking medication to calm down the anxiety, going to Support Groups, going to a therapist, starting Bible study, trying to get God to lead me with his wisdom and compassion; all this because of fears that may or may not happen to me. Fears that I shouldn't even be worrying about because life is about the present and not about what's going to happen in the future. Live life right now, as you're breathing this very second. The future is something so mysterious and unknown, so why worry about it now? Let life take it's course.

I let my OCD take the best of me; I let it win. I didn't fight back, and I know I should have. This is my story on how I let my brain illness, as I call it, take over me and control my life. I really hope you take my advice, learn from my mistakes, as I stated before, and get out of that depression hole you so-call life. Don't let it get so far without asking for help, like I did.

So here we go, the life of Journey Hope Velasquez:

A/N: I decided to write a story about a real-life experience that I went through. I hope you enjoy my upcoming chapters. :)