A.M. ↠ zarry AU

vindictive

vin·dic·tive

/vēnˈdiktiv/

adjective

having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge.

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trigger warning: mentions of sexual abuse

On one particular day when Zayn had decided to not leave immediately after sex and, laid in bed with Harry for a while, Harry chewed on his lip and had his eyebrows knitted tightly together, looking deep in thought. He was sitting up against the headboard with his arms folded over his chest. "Are you alright?" Zayn asked and stretched his hand to comb it through Harry's hair. Harry nodded and his face softened. "You don't mind, do you?" He asked and, Harry was momentarily confused.

"Mind what?"

"Just laying here."

"No. Unless you wanna go another round?" Harry offered with a cheeky smile.

Zayn grinned and pinched his chin fondly before placing one arm behind his head, the other on his chest and letting his eyes fall shut. Minutes later he chuckled lightly, gaining Harry's attention.

"What?" Harry mumbled into his pillow he had now sunk in.

"I just, I thought that this would be really weird in the beginning."

"Why?" Harry laughed.

"Just that, when I found out you were twenty - one and I'm twenty - eight, just made me feel a bit like a pedophile." Zayn chuckled.

"Don't say that." Harry said sternly, sitting up. "You're in your twenties and so am I, and everything is consensual. It's not the same as pedophilia."

Zayn is shocked by Harry's sudden change in demeanour because of what he thought was only a harmless joke. "Harry, I didn't mean - I'm sorry if -"

"It's fine." Harry took a moment to think and calm down.

Zayn sat up and brought his knees to his chest, still keeping his eyes on Harry who took a deep breath in. "It obviously isn't?" Zayn said softly.

Harry licks his lips. "Back in England. It's me, my mum, my sister, Gemma, and brother, Dan." Harry can't believe he's about to reveal this much about his life. "Gemma's twenty - five and Dan's thirteen. Gemma and I are really close. We've always had each others' backs no matter what, and it still is like that even though we're so far away from each other." He paused, keeping his eyes fixed on the bed sheets. "Dan, on the other hand... he just, I never really felt that sibling bond with him. He was always in my face, in my business, getting on my nerves more and more everyday, and it's always been like that, since the day my mum brought him home from the hospital I just never -" Harry shook his head.

Being the middle child of a family was obviously not easy for Harry and he didn't try to hide his past detestation for his younger brother. All Dan really wanted was to be just like Harry. To be cool, funny and smart like him. Harry was his role model and hero. Their dad left when Harry was twelve and Dan was just four, so he was the only male figure in his life that Dan looked up to and admired.

"I should have been a better brother, I should be a better son, I know I should - I should be a better person, period." Harry said shaking his head. He wiped at the corners of his eyes and Zayn wondered if he was crying but couldn't quite tell because of Harry's still bowed head. When he lifted his head, Zayn saw that he still had dry eyes. He leaned forward and rested his chin in his hand, a blank look in his eyes.