A scream is what ails me.
There's a lump in my chest and it's slowly scratching at the entrance of my throat. It wants to climb my vocal chords and flourish on my tongue, before trickling, spilling over and out of my lips; not like a waterfall, but as a raging red rapid. It wants to bounce off the walls of every room and echo into the hearts of all.
Yet no one is awake to hear it.
No one will ever be awake enough to hear it.
It's not me. I'm not denying my own toxicity, my anger, my thirst for your pain. I'm embracing it. So please.
Suffer.
But alas, even if you experienced all the pain that the world could muster, it would never be enough to sate me.
I'm now laughing like The Hatter, yet no where near as insane. No I'm much worse. I'm absolutely Mad- in all meanings of the word.
Harbinger of my Sadness, Herald of my Madness. Give me a reason now, why I shan't strike you down where you stand, disown you for your betrayal. I plea for a reason to forgive, yet no apologies shall heal the wound in my back, where you left your knife to the hilt, the blade of your sword, the barrel of your gun. It is sticking between the plates of my spine, cutting through me, the edge hidden, trapped in the cage in my chest. As much as I would beg for the arrowhead's departure from my tissue, I will give you no such pleasure.
It's as if you don't know what you're apologizing for. You act like you were wrong, but for what does it matter if you don't know the reason I call for it!
Shame on thy's name, for you've lost a close friend, a brother, and most likely 2 more as well. You may think us the abandoners, the bullies, but it was your choice to harm this family, and your punishment shall be Thorough and Just, but do make note. It will not. Be. Swift.
The tears I hold for you will not shed, even though I wish it. It's as if the tears turn to vapor upon leaving my eye, leaving my face dry as a bone. It's fortunate, for if those tears, cast in your name, stained my face, it would most likely burn me, like a demon to holy water. Yet, the tears aren't holy, are they? No, in fact why bother crying over the demon itself.
Do not come to me on hand and knee, begging for forgiveness. Do not act like nothing happened at all. Do not act like it is I who is in the wrong. Simply leave. Begone. Exit my sights and never return.
