Just love me, please? (mxm/bxb) [Completed]

Chapter two

When my breed's all done I give Angel to Vincent as I know how much he loves her. The shows were yesterday and today so it doesn't matter if their coats get a little dirty. My old dog sleeps under the grooming-table while the Little One gets to sleep in the cage; 2 days of shows are a lot to comprehend for him. I take my other chair and unfold it beside Vincent and I sit down with a sigh and groan out loud "We spend hours driving around the world to get to dog-shows, spend all day waiting to get into the ring and spend approximately 5 minutes actually being inside the ring. I must be crazy." Vincent just laughs and says "That's what you always say.. Why don't you just stop doing it then?" Groaning and rubbing my face with my hands I say "You know why, you ass! Because I like it.." I pause for a second before I look Vincent in the eye and says with a shy smile and a lowered voice ".. And I like the company I get at the shows." His smile grows bigger and bigger until his whole persona shines with happiness and once again I get reminded that I'm head over heels in love with him. That smile.. that smile is what made me realize I'm in love with him and it still makes my heart flutter even after 5 years of knowing him. "Yeah.. Yeah, I like the company too" he whispers back and look at me with those bright, bright eyes that make me want to cry. Not once does his smile falter; not when we hold eye contact and not when his left hand starts to reach up to land flat on my right cheek. His thumb begins to caress me under my eye, making my eyes to flutter closed and my head subconsciously lean closer to his warm, big hand. I hear him shakily intake at the same time as I let go of a shaky breath. "Mark.. I thi-" he gets interrupted by Olivier's laughter nearby and we both turn around to look into the show-ring; pretending nothing's happened. First now does my brain realize what's just happened and my heart starts to beat like crazy, my hands get all clammy and I internally freak out 'What the FUCK just happened?! DID it really happen? Am I just reading too much into it? Or does he actually like me back? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod'. "Hey guys. What're you doing?" Olivier asks as he finally arrives. "Nothing much, just talking. My dogs just finished.." I try to lie off the bat, but I've never been a great liar. "Didn't you finish like 10 minutes ago?" Olivier asks. My eyes widen at that information. 'We mere looking into each others eyes for MINUTES and not seconds like I thought we were?' I glance at Vincent and I'm pretty sure he's thinking the exact same thing as I am. I see Olivier look from me to Vincent, back to me and then end up looking at Vincent where he lifts his eyebrow in a knowing manner. Vincent tries to cover our awkwardness by saying "Well Mark kept complaining like he always does-". I interrupt him with a childish pout before he finishes his sentence "I did NOT" and cross my arms over my chest. "You did too!" he says back with that crooked smile and a playful glint in his eyes. "Did not!" I glare at him and lean a little forward to him. "Did too!" he leans towards me and I feel his breath on my lower face, but I ignore it to keep glaring at him. We glare at each other for a few seconds before our glares turn into bright smiles and my eyes stray to Vincent's lips on their own accord. "You two are so childish! Gosh!" Olivier says and I break our eye contact. I realize a young man's standing beside Olivier and I stand from my chair, hand outstretched to him. Vincent stands up too seeming like he also first caught on to the man right this second. "Well, hello. Who do we have here?" I ask Olivier with raised brows and a happy smile causing him to flush red. 'Well, that's a first' I think and glance at Vincent; he obviously also caught the pink cheeks as he's now wearing a mischievous smile. "Hello, I'm Joshua. Nice to meet you both" he says rather confidently. "Nice to meet you too. I'm Mark" I say as he shakes Vincent's hand. "Vincent" I hear Vincent say beside me. Joshua's of the petit build, but it's clear that what he doesn't have in build, he has in confidence. I look at Olivier and raise one eyebrow to say "Nice catch" when Joshua blurts "So how long have you been together?" Olivier's whole body erupts in laughter, Vincent starts coughing and looks scandalized and me.. I just feel like I'm getting stabbed right in the heart. Almost 5 years of unrequited love does that to one. "What?" I hear Vincent say a little too shrilly and a little too breathy. Joshua looks from Vincent to me sceptically "You telling me you aren't together?" 'My poor heart can't take this.' "No, we're just fri-" once against he gets interrupted by Olivier "AL!righty! We are just gonna go before anyone says anything stupid!" he looks pointedly at Vincent when he says 'anyone' and links his arm with Joshua's then drags him away. 'How can it be 'anything stupid' if it's the truth? We ARE just friends..' the recognition of the statement hits me hard. 'We're just friend? We're just friends. We ARE just friends!' My heart clenches, my stomach contradicts and my hands clutch by my sides. "Mark? Are you alright? You don't look too well.." Vincent says worriedly beside me. "Hm? Oh, yeah. I'm totally fine. Could you please watch my babies real quick? I need to go to the bathroom" I give him my best smile; which is probably the fakest smile I've ever given anyone. "Sure" he says with an encouraging smile, but his eyes look regretful.. remorseful even. I go toward the toilets and as soon as I've locked the door behind me I throw up into the toilet. When I'm all empty, both for sick and emotions, I flush the toilet and wash my mouth out. I go by the little kiosks in the cafeteria and buy some chewing gum on my way back. When I'm about fifty metres away from where my stuff is, I see Olivier talking furiously to a bashful and guilty-looking Vincent. I stop up and just look for a while. 'I've never seen neither of them look the way they do right now'. Olivier is red with fury and throws his hands around in the air and Vincent gets smaller and smaller every passing second. They apparently talk so loudly that they catch people's attention. It goes on like that for a while until Olivier throws both his hands in the air and says something that has Vincent take a defensive stance and clench both his hands by his sides when he answers. I start walking toward them as people now stop up to watch their exchange. Now Olivier looks more dejected than angry with his shoulders sagged and asks something with a pitiful look on his face. Vincent just gives a tiny shrug with a disheartened look. I'm about 10 metres away from them when Olivier sees me and sends me a quick smile. He looks pointedly back at Vincent with a look my mum always sent me just before she said "You better fix this shit you've made!" before he stalks off sending a small wave my way. Vincent doesn't acknowledged my presence before I'm standing right in front of him bending a little in my knees to look into his downcast eyes. What I see in his eyes has me standing straight up and my heart to pick up speed. 'No.. nononono don't do this. Please don't do this' is all I can think. The look in his eyes.. it's the exact same look that my girlfriend of three years had in her eyes when she told me she'd found someone else. The look that tells you they want to be anywhere but there.. The look that tells you they're trying to find the best way to turn you down carefully. I hear him take a deep breathe to get ready to talk so I do what I do best.. I start to ramble. "I won't be coming to the next few shows.." I start packing all my stuff together as I ramble on, not once looking at Vincent ".. I have to work extra shifts at work as we're 5 men short.. So I'll only be going to the Danish shows." By now I'm done packing my stuff and get ready to go to find my car. "You're not gonna wait for Best in Show?" Vincent asks concerned.. He knows I always wait for Best in Show.. "Nah, not today.. I have a long way home and I'm getting pretty tired, I'm not as young as I used to be" I joke but I just sound gloomy instead. I start dragging my cart with all my stuff toward the exit but Vincent grabs my arm, preventing me from moving. "Mark.." I make the dumb mistake of looking at his face. His brows are knit tightly together and he looks uncertain what to do. 'God, I really love his face' "Will you tell Olivier I left? And tell him good luck with Joshua. I really wish him all the luck in the world". I start walking again, this time I'm not stopped by Vincent so I walk out the exit. Right outside the doors I see Olivier and as soon as he sees me his whole face falls. I just smile, or maybe more like grimaces and his face darkens with fury so I keep on walking. He grabs my arm hard to keep me from leaving 'What's with those brothers and grabbing me by the arm?' and says hardly "What'd he do??" I'm taken aback by his question "What?! Nothing! Why'd you think he did something?" I say and add a chuckle at the end. "I'm actually glad I caught you.. As I told Vincent - I really hope it works out between you and Joshua. You really are a great guy and you do deserve happiness" I give him a warm, tight hug as a goodbye. I don't know when I'll get to see him again; I for one need to get my heart sorted out first. I walk past him and start down the long road of cars to find mine. "Don't we all, Mark?" Olivier shouts at me when I'm three rows down. I turn around, confused. "Happiness, Mark.. Don't we all deserve it?" I see him looking at me wistfully. 'Oh..' "Yeah, well.. It's just not all of us who're lucky enough to get it" I say with a small dejected smile. I walk the rest of the way to my car; for every step I take I feel my heart getting colder and colder. I get my stuff into my car in a blur and jump into the car. I rest my forehead on the wheel and close my eyes 'Bare træk vejret dybt ned i lungerne, Mark. Bare træk vejret. Det er ikke verdens ende.' ("Just breathe deep into your lungs¸ Mark. Just breathe. It's not the end of the world.") I get startled out of my little pep talk by heavy banging on my window. There.. outside of my window.. is Vincent standing - heavily panting and looking like nothing in the world makes sense anymore. I roll down my window with a beating heart "Damn, Vince.. You really gave me a fright. What's up?" I see him swallowing thickly before he says with confusion clear in his eyes and his brow knitted together "Why.. I don't understand? What'd I do?" His voice is so insecure and small and all I want to do is kiss the uncertainty away. I blink and swallow the lump in my throat 'don't start crying now, Mark'. "You did nothing wrong, nothing at all, Vincent. It's me. I just need some time to think, please understand" I try to smile to make him understand that he did nothing wrong; that it's my own fault for not realizing sooner. He shakes his head a little, like he doesn't believe me "Please don't leave, Mark. Please listen to me.." he pauses and the lump in my throat gets more prominent as I know where this is going ".. Please Mark.. I-I lo-" "NO!" I say loud and clear with closed eyes. I open my eyes and continue more silently "No, Vincent. No, you don't." my voice start to shake and I smile a bitter smile. "True, you might love me.. But it's just like a friend. A really good friend maybe. But.. But you don't *love* me" I'm still smiling and think 'I need him to know I'm not angry with him for not loving me'. "But I do! I do, please Mark.." his eyes are getting watery, and I want to believe him. I really do. I shake my head and a sombre look falls across my face. "No. It's clear in your eyes. Back when Joshua asked if we're together. Even now! I don't know if you're just not ready to accept that you love another man, or if you just.." tears start to fall and the lump in my throat is no longer to avoid ".. Or if you just don't love me. I don't know! But what I do know is that your 'love'.. It's not the same as my 'love', Vincent." I look him in the eye. A single tear falls down his cheek. He's silent because he knows I'm right. And I know I'm right too. "I just.. I just need some time, please. It's too hard.. Too much for me to bear right now. I just need to get my head off of things for a while 'cus I don't think I can do this any longer, Vince.." Another tear falls down his cheek. And yet another one ".. I-I don't think I can keep waiting.. " I turn the key in the engine ".. in hopes that you some day might, and only might, come to love me back" waterfalls of tears are falling down my face. I put the car in reverse and starts backing out of my parking-spot. Thank God I'm leaving before everybody else, or I'd have run someone over. Vincent's panicky fallowing beside my window, clutching to it like it's dear life. "Please Mark, Please!" is said over and over, but I don't listen. I look straight ahead when I tell him one last thing "I can't keep waiting, hoping that you might love me back the same way and just as much as I love you." With that I drive off; my heart shattered in a million pieces. 'I didn't know it hurt this much to love somebody'. I look back one last time through the rear mirror before I turn out to the main road; what I see is Olivier running towards Vincent – a Vincent slumped to the ground.