Marielle,
My throat felt like it his the bottom of my stomach. My head felt extremely light and the air was sucked out of my lungs. I didn't want to read on but my heart held its force to the note.
'I said I'd never want to see you hurt. I'd never want to bare those tears hitting the ground again. I promised myself if I could stop it, I would never let it happen.'
His handwriting read his emotion. The dark ink dug deep into the fibers of the paper. The lines definite and dark illustrating somewhat anger or frustration. I could almost see the words read themselves.
'But tonight, I couldn't. Sometimes in life you try to do all you can, and fight all you can but fate is fate. What's meant to happen will happen.'
His wisdom and wit seemed like nothing of anineteen year old. At this point my gut instinct was to stop. To not let my eyes scan his font furthermore. I put the paper down and closed my eyes trying not to think of what was left of Zayn's confession. It was torturous. The way the few sentences I read lingered in my head pulling every strand of hope I still had grasp of. And no late the note was in my hand again as my hand trembled with fear but I longed more.
'I did what I could and you know I'd never give up. I didn't want to have you wake up and tell your beautiful face the bad news'
That's when my heart split straight down the middle. The words 'bad news' played a horrific repeated loop in my head. Worse yet, in Zayn's voice. His thick accent mouthing out the words I could almost feel him breathing down my neck. I turned my head rapidly in fear to only see a cracked white wall starring back at me. I held my chest as I felt my own heartbeat hit my chest rapidly and a bead of sweat escape my forehead. This was it. If I read anymore I would collapse. The fear was taking hold of my body. My rapid breaths. My trembling hands. My fast beating heart. But my soul was more than alive.
'They say I'm the type to never back down. But something I know for sure is, you Marielle are so much stronger than me. I know your tough. That you can fight the worst the life gives you even if it's me.'
I felt a burden of guilt weigh my chest down. The way I was so careless and ungrateful to Zayn. He was only ever trying to help me. I shook my head in disgust. The way I thought so much of myself and thought I needed no one. Yet here I lay hopeless, wishing someone was here to comfort me. I long Zayn's warm body pressed against mine brushing his calm vibe onto me. My body immersed in cold bitter woe but my soul fueling on the only warmth left in me.
'To think someone as innocent as yourself, sleeping calmly in front of me would have to bare words like these. I used to tell myself you get what you deserve, but now I don't believe such meaningless words because even if I've only known you for so long, I'm sure of one thing. And that is, you've done nothing to deserve this.'
My mouth ran dry. I couldn't go on. I tried to force the paper down but my limbs refused. I was frozen. Rooted deep into this bed. The only thing moving; my eyes. Scanning the paper for the truth.
'I'd finished drawing you and saw you asleep. I refuse to think someone could look more angelic. More harmless. More vulnerable. But nothing of the type to be hit with so drastic.'
My heart began to race again. The machine on my side beeping faster, the lines on the screen becoming closer and shorter. I wasn't surprised no one came to aid me. I deserve nothing. My body weakened but I never lacked determination.
"I won't stop reading this. Even if it's the last thing I do," I told myself, fearing that it would.
'I want you to know something. I've never felt so attached of someone. You pull me in differently. I honestly don't know what force it is but somehow I feel attracted towards you. I will do whatever I can to help you. If you go down, I'll come down with you.'
