Black And Blue | Meanie

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Too familiar walls. Too familiar people. Too familiar atmosphere but he still feels foreign around here.

Sitting in a cold steel chair in front of an inspecting psychiatrist, it is not a feeling Wonwoo want to get too familiar with. Not ever.

"Your depression is back again?" ask Dr. Ji while looking at his medical results.

He just nod. He knew, what's there to even answer?

"Are you drinking the medicines I gave you last time Wonwoo?" Dr. Ji looked at him with creased face, worry spreading his face.

"Yes, Doc Ji" he answered simply not meeting his gaze.

He looked down at his lap. He's wearing pants that fell down onto his heels but he can clearly see the black and blue bruises underneath it. It shouldn't hurt him anymore but the pain is etched in his mind, fresh and new.

"I'm a doctor.." Doc Ji stated, Wonwoo looked at him "but sometimes, medicines don't help. What we're dealing here is not just a virus, it's hormones and you can't control it Wonwoo so I'm proposing a treatment for you Wonwoo. Would you like to try it?"

Wonwoo nods. Anything to take this depression away from him.

Dr. Ji guided him to his car. Dr. Ji opened the passenger seat but Wonwoo simply opened the backseat door and casually slip in. Dr. Ji looked at him and just sighed.

"My husband owns a pet shop" Dr. Ji said looking at the mirror to see Wonwoo's reaction. Wonwoo just forced a smile, faking that he's even interested in what Dr. Ji is talking about.

Of course, Dr. Ji knew it all. Being a psychiatrist for a long time, encountering a lot of people with mental diseases, he knew every move. He can now read it all.

Wonwoo looked at the window while Dr. Ji drove silently.

He observed the people the car passed by. He is an observant after all but it wasn't always good to be an observant. You observe things but you were quiet, it's like seeing a crime but you were force not to say a thing.

It was Sunday so a lot of people came downtown to celebrate or simply just stroll the stress of the week away. There were a lot of family, Sundays are family day after all.

He want to know the feeling -- the feeling of being held by two big hand, being the one in between of it. Two guiding hands surrounding him. The warmth of it, the feeling of assurance and just simply --- the feeling of being held.

His parents never held him. Never take him out for a stroll on a sunny Sunday. He painfully closed his eyes and took a trip down the dark alley of memory lane.

His parents were two business people who won't even stay a minute in the house. He barely see them, not even on his birthdays, communion and graduation. They were blurry figures but Wonwoo still love them, still waits for the time that they'll get tired of working and start remembering that they have a child waiting for nurturance.

When he was 17, his father called him up.

He was so elated at that time, so much for a child who's existing for 17 years but it'll be the first time that he's been asked to see his father.

His father's assistant take him to his fathers office. He was awed by the vast space of the office, it was his first time to see it.

"Good morning D-dad"

He smiled when he spoke "Dad".

There were pile of paper in his father's table. His father don't even spare a look to see Wonwoo.