shh shhh

Silence IS my Weakness.

I can be fine. I could be the happiest person I could be so energetic and  all over the place. That's how I am everyday. So loud , So annoying , I'm so ugh happy. I would always have one headphone in. I don't like the silence. I always have music on no matter where I go if not music something is going on. Music keeps me happy. Music is how your feeling. I cant sing but I can listen. I can take the time to think about what your hiding behind those words. Music is my escape from reality, its too escape the voices in head. Escape what's killing me slowly inside. Music hide it. The silence scares me. The voices drowns me until I cant take it  anymore. Letting it be quite for too long makes me go crazy the voices get louder and louder saying cruel things. I start reliving the pain I went through in the past. The hurt broken feelings I have pushed deep deep down is running towards my mind to remind me. The guilt I have grows and mocks me. The thinks I wasn't able to stop goes around my head like a carousel. Never ending carousel. It all comes at me until I cant bare the feeling anymore. Crying doesn't help it escape it. It feeds on my weakness. Many people like the silence it helps them think. Help them consertrate but I can't do that. Silences opens a door.  A door that cannot be closed until it feels like it. This weakness has been with me for my whole life and its been around my head for years but I pretend it isn't there. I've already accepted it and it breaking my wall piece by piece. Brick by Brick. Silence is my weakness.