Fall Before Flying

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The time was 6:27 when I got to my front door. Tears were still falling down my face. I thought he loved me is what I repeated over in my mind. My phone rang. It was Heath. I ignored it but it kept ringing. I walked through the door, dropping my bag to the floor, and running up to my room. My headphones and iPod were where I left them, so I picked them up, placed them on my head and laid on my back. My phone had 12 missed calls and 8 texts, in the last minute or so. I didn't want to listen to him, nor think about him, but his name was the only thing I could think of. I paused my music and sat up, removing the head phones of my head, and sighed. "I am a nothing, a useless, ugly, fat bitch," I said to my self out loud. Something came into my head. Something unpleasant. My head was telling me to cut. It would take the pain away from Heath.

I stripped off my clothes leaving my black boxer shorts and matching bra where they are. I went to the master bathroom and filled up the bath. I lowered myself into the bath, placing my head on the wall.

I clenched my jaws in anger. I'm angry. At myself. For being so stupid. For believing he ever loved me. Ugh, I'm such a fuck up.

I pulled the bag from the shelf. A small green bag, filled with my pencil sharpener blades and plasters. I've collected them over the years.

I took them out of the bag and placed the blades across the ledge of the bath. I picked up the biggest one and looked at it closely, studying how sharp the blade was. I took at deep breathe and drew the blade across my wrist. Deeper and deeper with every cut until I was satisfied. The cuts filled both my arms. I felt numb, but alive at the same time.

56 deep cuts were drawn across my wrists. The crimson red blood river that flows from my wrist to my elbow looked beautiful against my pale skin.

I had seen enough. I was satisfied. I pushed myself under the water, feeling the stinging pain all over my body. I lay in the bath for along time. Thoughts and memories filled my destroyed mine. I then put my head under the water, eyes open and I did it until I couldn't breathe anymore.

I passed out.