Message to all people who cut, think of suicide, etc.

Hey again....

     Last year, I was in a deep depression. That's why I wrote the first chapter to this book for you guys, to not go through what I was going. Here is a little something else. Throughout my life, My other felt it was necessary to body shame me. I hated my body because of that. It wasn't until I was looking at myself in the mirror while getting ready for a friend's party when I saw that I was a bit on the bigger side. It wasn't anything too big, I just though losing a few pounds would be good. With about two years of me working out, I realized that my hips weren't slimming. I though about and then it occurred to me that it was my bone structure. If you press down on my hips, you will feel a little bit of necessary fat and then bone. I got to where I am today and I learned, after trying so hard, to like who I am. I learned to love my body, my teeth, my hair, my height, my weight, and everything else. A couple of weeks ago, I was bleeding profusely because of something I would rather not mention (It's nothing bad. I'm just embarrassed) and I had to go to the ER. My mom blamed it on my weight when, in reality, didn't have anything to do with it. About fifteen minutes ago, my mom commented, the fifth time in the last week, how yellow my teeth were. I told her that she shouldn't be concerned about it, as it is my appearance. She has been doing this for years. It is a known fact with my parents that I did not like to brush my teeth when I was little and that did stain my teeth a bit. Lately, all these comments of my teeth made me think about ways that I could brighten my teeth when I am the type of person who doesn't like to do anything that changes the natural me (like straitening my hair). Don't let my opinion from destroying yours. You do you. I started going down that same rabbit hole once again of hating myself. I worked so hard on loving who I am and my mom is just destroying that image. Every time I try to stand up for my self, she says things like:

"Don't take that tone with me."

"I am your mother. You do what I say."

"I brought you into this world and I can take you right back out."

Throughout these years of just mental torture, it became just normal for me to be sad. It has come to the point where I like to be sad. I feel like I am being controlled rather than I am controlling my life. What should I do?