Its been five months since we broke up. I hope she's making you happy. I hope you're living fine without me. The other day I saw a giant stuffed lion and it made me think of how this would've been our second Christmas together. We would be looking at baby clothes and having a good time, instead of what's going on now. I think about you a lot, but its not like I can do anything about it. Last night I had a dream where you two broke up, and it made me happy. I woke up this morning and that just wasn't the case. It hurts you know. Thinking about how you'll be spending Christmas with her, and new years with her. It hurts she's replacing the memories of me. I know I shouldn't think about it since you've moved on and all. But how am I supposed to forget when I'll have a little reminder that calls me mom for the rest of my life. I'll never be able to forget you or what we had. I'll never get to go on dinner dates and all that stuff the way normal people would. If I ever meet someone I'd have to tell them I have a kid even though I'm young, and I have the possibility of losing that person if they don't agree with me having a child. I'll always have the stretch marks, I'll always have emotional pain. When I was with you I thought my days of suffering were over, but really you just added an entire lifetime of it. Do I regret my child? No. Will it hurt when I realize all the little things they got from you? Yes. But regardless of seeing your characteristics in it or not, I'm gonna be a good mom. A good mom without you. I'm gonna love this child twice as much to compensate for you never existing to it. I will be a good mom for it, I will not let you being half my child's DNA change that.
YOU ARE READING
To The Boy I Once Knew
RandomThis is just my way of coping with a break up, it'll be sad, but it'll progress (hopefully) into me moving on. I lost him on 7/17/16, but it was more like he lost me.
