The waves from the beach kept crashing onto the shore like my memories kept returning to Tony the Claw Hazzer. Tony was trouble from the get go but he was also the love of my life, there would be no others like him. Our son plays in the water with his puppy. He will be 5 this year. Hard to think that tony had been dead so long. Tony still seems so alive to me I see his likeness in our son everyday and I dream of being in his arms every night. From the blunt I smoke everyday just to remember his smell. To cheap 40 oz-ers he loved to drink even after he made the big time. His body may have died from blunt trauma from bullets but his ghost lives in my mind, body, and soul every minute. I've ran and hide in this beach house the past 5 years. Living off our ill gotten money. That's about to end I've decided I can't just hide here any longer getting stone and drinking the day away. Our son deserves better I've enrolled him in the same kindergarten me and Tony went to in the hood. I made the calls I have been dreading last night asking Mama Smoke if we would be welcome to crash with her for a few weeks til we find a place. Mama Smoke was Tony's mama. Family is everything to her just like it was to Tony. Tony's brothers will run protection for us till we settle in to the hood agin not that I think we need it. The thugs that killed Tony didn't live a day after they pulled the trigger. One died on the spot Tony's last shot took his head off. Goldie ran the other one down on the way back to his house. Both shooters dead before the cops ever had a clue anything had went down. We take care of our own in the hood. Always have- always would. cops ain't nothing but a joke I should know I used to be one. Technically just a nurse in a federal prison but a law dog none the less. I met Tony for the first time since we were kids while I was working Clark Township jail. I was an honest lil hoe before Tony... After Tony my whole look on life changed I saw who the real "good" guys were and who were just clowns. One thing about my Tony his justice was always swift and final. He dealt his law out with the fist and a gun. I miss our younger days almost more then I enjoy living this life. If not for lil Tony I'd have already joined my beloved. Lil Tiny is my world now. As a cooler breeze blows off the ocean I spot Vesta "the arms" Locus walking our way. From the look on her face I can tell it's time to head inside. Vesta "the arms" Locus is our body guard and my best friend. As we head in I inform lil Tony and Vesta that tomorrow we pack and head home back to north Indy. Back home to stay and live happy ever after. No one ever argues with me anymore cause on the streets I was known as Jessie -pillz- greybones, and I was one of our original Gangster Girls.
Tony Hazzer
1990 -Spring North Indy/ poor town
Papa took one last swing of the cleaver then as the blade bit thru the muscle and bone whole hogs head fell to the floor. Cursing papa picked it up and set it back on the table. Papa says the trick boy is not to waste a single ounce of meat from the animal. Now what did you learn in school today I told pap what I learned that day, what a typical 8 year old would learn about the clouds and how to tell them apart. By then papa had started skinning the hog in fullness and was breathing heavily even for someone of the old age of 40. Stopping to catch his breath, bloody up to his elbows papa says any fool knows to come in out of the rain. What are they teaching you kids these days. Now why you walking funny Boy. Did you get in Trouble agin? Papa had caught me I'd tried to hide my aching bottom from him. Hoping he wouldn't notice my pain. The teacher Mr. Wilson had caught me peeking under the desk trying for a glimpse under Bobby Jo Dearborn's dress rumor in the school yard was she had stopped wearing panties. I guess I was walking funny after all. Papa doesn't miss a beat of a drum or a hitch in someone's step. So tell me what happened papa says. So I tell him that rumor was that Bobby Jo wasn't wearing panties and I got caught trying to take a peek. Papa says If Jack Dearborn's daughter isn't wearing panties to school if cause they can't afford any. Now as a way of apology I think you should drop off some of this jar of pickled pigs feet to her doorstep. They are probably all starving I haven't seen their ma stop in the shop in over a month. Just drop it off knock and run. Jacks pride won't allow charity from no one. So if they catch you the games over. Best be off sooner done soon home.
Out I went into to dusky dank afternoon with a large jar of pickled pigs under my arm. The streets were packed with people even on a dreary day like this. Walking into the pits, a poor section of our city, I felt less then sure this is a good idea. The father I go the thinner the crowd gets and poor quality of person. I didn't grab any weapons to defend myself and I'm all alone on this side of the city. As I'm nearing Bobbi's house I notice a pack of boys notice me. That's never a good sign. This wasn't my street it was theirs I pick up the pace Bobby's house was just up the block I could almost see it. But I never made it one of the street boys stepped out of an alleyway in front of me while the rest creeped up behind me. The boy in front is a few years older the me but skinny as a rail he says what's your hurry. You've got plenty of time to have a chat with me and my friends, now don't ya? I say nothing better to let them think I'm fronting then show fear to this Wolfpack. I I to step around the lead wolf and suddenly someone grabs me from behind. My jar goes tumbling to the ground. Shattering as it hits the concert. Lead wolf flicks open a switch blade and says when we saw your jar we got excited for meat to eat tonight now you've ruined it... So I think now I'm going to ruin you. Wolf boy lunges with the knife right at my shoulder I drop down to my knees a get a large shard of the glass bringing it up I swing out with it. The glass bites into lead wolfs knife arm, and an explosive fountain of blood erupts from both of us. My fingers suddenly drops the glass on their own accord. Blinding pain rips into my back as I pass out onto darkness.
It was the smell of blood that brought me back to the world. I could smell it thru my nose and taste it in my mouth and feel it running thru my fingers as my heart beat. When I opened my eyes I was back in papas shop. I must not have been out long the room still have the sent of cannabis smoke lingered in the air. At some point a doctor had been here to stitch my hand and the knife hole in my back but I can't remember it. The smoke is from the thugs with guns that provide protection to us. They call themselves the Dope Boys and they claim to be making the streets a safer place for everyone but all I ever see is them driving around smoking fly weed with bitches. Their guns are real shiny and nice and I hear they ain't afraid to kill a person neither. Papa was now standing in the doorway. Papa says that didn't go as planned did it? He doesn't wait for my response and says next time just give them what they want we pay for protection from the Dope Boys it's their problem. Be more careful but I have only 3 sons and your the oldest. I said nothing even then at age 8 I knew words were meaningless and action was everything. What papa said was true enough this time the Dope Boys would take care of things but next time I had to be stronger, smarter, and scarier. Later in the week word of the street was lead wolf had been involved in a hit and run the car that killed him had been stolen and the driver never found. I would have to live the rest of my life with my hand all jacked up. Papa has robed me of vengeance. I will never forget every time I look down at my maimed hand I'll remember I was too weak to protect myself. A real man dishes out his own revenge.
