Felicity was well aware that she had made a monumental mistake. She had two options. She could either a) pack up her bags and leave the country, or b) go downstairs and talk with Caitlin like rational, intelligent adults.
Halfway through stuffing her fourth shirt into the suitcase, Felicity realised that she wasn't acting rationally or sensibly. She sat back down on the bed - her bed in their house - and tried to think.
It's not as though this was the worst way it could've come out. Felicity could have actually gone through with trying to kiss her, which would have undoubtedly been a horrific experience that she would have regretted forever.
Perhaps Christmas spirit was going to be enough to make Caitlin forgive her. Unlikely, but possible.
It was just a conversation. Worst-case scenario, Caitlin refused to listen to her. Best-case...was there a best case?
It had been ten minutes. Caitlin hadn't tried to find her. Felicity didn't know quite what to make of that: either Caitlin was determinedly avoiding her, or she was giving Felicity her time.
Caitlin had made herself comfortable at the bottom of the stairs. Felicity permitted herself a moment where she was allowed to watch.
Caitlin was breathing softly; if Felicity didn't know better, she'd say she was sleeping. But Felicity did know better - knew better where to look. It was in the tight lines of her shoulders, the way her hands were folded so neatly in her lap. It came from months of being around each other; every morning waking together on opposite sides of the hall, every evening eating dinner from the same table. When it's almost over, sentimentality begins to filter through the memories. The arguments - how late you're getting home, how many hours you're working, who took the last bag of chips from the store - are replaced by these generic, whisper-fine memories. The Caitlin of Felicity's memory could be a stranger. The reality of Caitlin was turbulent, intelligent, kind; she was more than anybody's ideal. Felicity could never do her justice.
"If you want me to go," Felicity said, "I understand."
Caitlin stood.
