Emily Climbs (1925)

Chapter 25: April Love

"June 10, 19--

"Yesterday evening Andrew Oliver Murray asked Emily Byrd Starr to marry him.

"The said Emily Byrd Starr told him she wouldn't.

"I'm glad it's over. I've felt it coming for some time. Every evening Andrew has been here I've felt that he was trying to bring the conversation around to some serious subject, but I have never felt quite equal to the interview, and always contrived to sidetrack him with frivolity.

"Yesterday evening I went to the Land of Uprightness for one of the last rambles I shall have in it. I climbed the hill of firs and looked down over the fields of mist and silver in the moonlight. The shadows of the ferns and sweet wild grasses along the edge of the woods were like a dance of sprites. Away beyond the harbour, below the moonlight, was a sky of purple and amber where a sunset had been. But behind me was darkness--a darkness which, with its tang of fir balsam, was like a perfumed chamber where one might dream dreams and see visions. Always when I go into the Land of Uprightness I leave behind the realm of daylight and things known and go into the realm of shadow and mystery and enchantment where anything might happen--anything might come true. I can believe anything there--old myths--legends--dryads--fauns--leprechauns. One of my wonder moments came to me--it seemed to me that I got out of my body and was free--I'm sure I heard an echo of that 'random word' of the gods--and I wanted some unused language to express what I saw and felt.

"Enter Andrew, spic and span, prim and gentlemanly.

"Fauns--fairies--wonder moments--random words--fled pell-mell. No new language was needed now.

"'What a pity side-whiskers went out with the last generation--they would suit him so,' I said to myself in good plain English.

"I knew Andrew had come to say something special. Otherwise he would not have followed me into the Land of Uprightness, but have waited decorously in Aunt Ruth's parlour. I knew it had to come and I made up my mind to get it over and have done with it. The expectant attitude of Aunt Ruth and the New Moon folks has been oppressive lately. I believe they all feel quite sure that the real reason I wouldn't go to New York was that I couldn't bear to part with Andrew!

"But I was not going to have Andrew propose to me by moonlight in the Land of Uprightness. I might have been bewitched into accepting him. So when he said, 'It's nice here, let's stay here for a while--after all, I think there is nothing so pretty as nature,' I said gently but firmly that, though nature must feel highly flattered, it was too damp for a person with a tendency to consumption, and I must go in.

"In we went. I sat down opposite Andrew and stared at a bit of Aunt Ruth's crochet yarn on the carpet. I shall remember the colour and shape of that yarn to my dying day. Andrew talked jerkily about indifferent things and then began throwing out hints--he would get his managership in two years more--he believed in people marrying young--and, so on. He floundered badly. I suppose I could have made it easier for him but I hardened my heart, remembering how he had kept away in those dreadful weeks of the John house scandal. At last he blurted out,

"'Emily, let's get married when--when--as soon as I'm able to.'

"He seemed to feel that he ought to say something more but didn't know just what--so he repeated 'just as soon as I'm able to' and stopped.

"I don't believe I even went through the motions of a blush.

"'Why should we get married?' I said.

"Andrew looked aghast. Evidently this was not the Murray tradition of receiving a proposal.

"'Why? Why? Because--I'd like it,' he stammered.

"'I wouldn't,' I said.

"Andrew stared at me for a few moments trying to take in the amazing idea that he was being refused.