STORY OF MY LIFE

part 4:metaphors

A child- gift or a curse?

Love --a obstacle ,a burden,a force of nature or instinct?

Hope-reality or imagination?

These are the facts of life we all need to sort through and answer.
Some find it easier to pretend to have the answers,but in reality they know nothing,nothing of love or hope and absolutely nothing about a child.

They see destruction where we see clues.Clues as to a certain feeling or emotion were trying to communicate, to show and know no other way then to break in hopes of recognition .

They see attention seeking,when were trying to prove ourselves. Prove we deserve their love and to prove we deserve a better life then to be trampled upon,we are more then the sums of our parts.We are more then they make us out to be.We are more then the love they give us.

In aworld where we need to look to discover,need to first hide in hopes one will seek out our truths,in a world where hope is hopeless.

My life is anything but simple.In truth it's tough,its complicated and complex.In truth the silence brings nothing but sadness.The dark reflects my emotion .My sleep is stolen by my thoughts of "What if's?"

What if my life was different?
What if I was handed a completely different set of cards?
What if my family loved me?
What if they cherished my presences?

But at least I  was chooses for this life,why I will never truely know,but I can try my best to do my best.

I could feel sorry for myself ,yes because pity is easy-its easy to give into pity parties.  However how would  that help me?
So I push and I push ,I ignore my past,I build walls,I block people out and keep my head down,hoping-knowing one day-just one day my world and my life and my luck will change and I'll be happy.For once I'll be completely  happy.

What else could I wish for?

I will wake up each new day knowing my time will come,if not now on Earth,then one day in heaven.

I'm half way gone,to a better place ,to a better life.

One day the Sun will break over the horizon and I'll be happy.

It will never be to late and NEVER early enough.

But for now I'm an angel with a broken wing,a engine without gas,a road without a map and what ever shitty metaphor you can think of.

For NOW I'm a loner in a lonely world living in a loaned house of make- sift emotion ,that is missing windows .I'm living in a world surrounded by walls that were built-in  brick for brick and blow for blow.

No one knows what tomorrow brings,but hopefully it will be an end to the miserable torturous existence that is my life....

Until next time ,GOOD BYE.