99 Problems

Three-Dad

I don't even remember the last thing I said my father before.....Uh...Well, you'll find out sooner or later. His name was Jackson. He had short spiky blonde hair. 

My dad was a...somewhat 'great' dad. He was a perfect dad to me, but Damon was different. Not a bad different...I mean, he was a great kid when he was little, but dad didn't think so. Honestly, it was like dad spited Damon.

Damon would ask my mom for everything because he knew she would say yes. Damon asked my dad one time to go to his friends' house. Dad said no because he had homework that was due the next day that he had been pushing off. So, Damon went and asked our mother and she said yes. Mom and dad got in a huge fight about it later that night....

I wouldn't say they were in a perfect and loving relationship. I would say that they were in an abusive relationship...mentally and, sometimes, physically.

My mom and dad had 4 kids together. Jenni, Damion, Damon, and me. Damion was the youngest and, of course, Damon the oldest. Damon is 3 years older than me...but Jenni was only a year older than me. Damion was a year younger than me.

When mom had Damon, my parents were perfect. They never had any problems with anything, they were happy. No yelling, no arguing, no fights.

Then, two years later, they had Jenni...Dad was really focused on her and not on Damon or mom. He always wanted a girl, but he wanted a baby girl first, then a baby boy.

A year after that, they had me. Dad was getting suspicious, he only wanted two kids and he made that clear to my mom. Dad would do everything with me because he thought I was different from everyone else. I was slower with processing certain things, my eyesight was horrible, I had trouble reading, and I had bad anger issues.

Another year came around, mom had Damion...that's when dad got out of hand with things. He thought Damion wasn't his...he would throw things and get angry with my mom because he thought she cheated on him.

Damon was about 4 years old when mom had Damion. He hated him, but Damon also hated me. Deep down in his heart, he did love us...especially after what our dad did later on....

A few weeks after mom had Damion, dad wanted a blood test...just to make sure that Damion was actually his. The tests were all positive, but my dad never changed back to being a good father or husband to our family. 

My father was only a father to Jenni and me....he treated the boys like trash. It was like they were living in hell and I was watching them through a TV screen. 

When I was 11 years old, my dad was never home as much and he left my mom to take care of us. Mom tried her best to help Damon with his high school drama and school work and sports, help Jenni and me with middle school work; even though we were in completely separate grades, help Damion with his 5th-grade homework, and keeping food on our plates.

Honestly, our dad was only home about once every two weeks. Damon stopped calling him 'dad' or 'father' after Damion arrived because of the tests. 

When our dad would come home, he'd come home late for dinner and us kids would leave the table. It was like he felt bad for being gone or something...but none of us accepted it. I didn't like him being gone since he was always there for me when I was younger, but I guess things change, right?

A month went by, and my mom found out dad was having an affair with someone else. He got the girl pregnant and my mom filed for divorce papers. My mom still let him stay in the house with us, since he didn't have anywhere else to go. He couldn't stay at the girls' house because she lived with some other dude.

When I turned 13, my dad tried fixing things with my mom and, mom being her, she declined everything. They were back to being acquaintances. Dad went to sleeping on the couch, Damion and Damon shared a room, Jenni and me shared a room, and mom slept alone in her bed. 

Our mom felt betrayed. I mean, who wouldn't. If you were cheated on, after giving your significant other everything you had, wouldn't you feel betrayed too?

She wasn't herself after dad cheated...she went to drinking cause she thought it would solve her problems in life. 

A few years later, Damon was 16, Jenni was 14; starting high school, I was 13, and Damion was 12. Dad left the house in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to anyone...no voice, no call, no note...He just disappeared. His bags, clothes, shoes, everything was gone.

Just recently, is why I don't ever celebrate my birthday anymore. I had just turned 15 and Damon was 18...in jail for selling drugs to kids at school. Jenni was 16 and Damion was 14. Our dad showed up at our school one day and surprised us. He wanted to take us out for lunch. Mom didn't want us talking to our dad or even having any contact with him. Damon wasn't there to stop us from going with him, so we all went.

He asked us where we wanted to go...no one answered, so I picked Red Robin. Jenni asked him where he's been all these years and why he left us. He said it was 'work business'. Damion called him a phony and dad flipped out. He turned around while driving and started yelling. It wasn't how our lunch was supposed to be.

I was too busy trying to get dad to calm down and not hit Damon so mom wouldn't wonder where we were. I turned around to look out the front windshield and the light turned red, but dad's foot was still on the gas peddle. I hit dad in the arm and he turned around and stomped on the breaks, but when I turned to my right to look out my window...A truck was coming towards us and collided with us.....I guess the truck flipped the car...

All I remember after that was waking up in the hospital with my mom sitting beside my bed. Damon was there since he had gotten out early for his community service. My mom was in tears and wouldn't stop crying. I asked her what happened.....She told me that I was in an accident with dad, Jenni, and Damion. I asked her and Damion where Jenni and Damion were...

I'll never forget the words she had told me that day....I asked her where dad was and Damon was the one to answer that....

Knowing that....my big sister and my little brother and my dad were dead....it stung and it hurt so bad...I cried that whole day. 

Our own father killed his two kids....and himself, just for arguing with Damion. Every day after that, even today, I always wish it was me, instead of Jenni and Damion. I would do anything just to bring them back, even if it means trading my life for theirs. 

I stopped celebrating my birthday after that, knowing that my siblings and my father died on my birthday...celebrating it without Jenni and Damion would feel wrong....

So....that's how my dad is- well...was. I always think to myself...'did he do this on purpose? Did he want them gone?' He hated Damion but loved Jenni and me. Tough call....

I never have the guts to go to their grave and say 'hi'...or even just stand there. I can't...

Have you ever felt so horrible about someone having to die like this? Like...It wasn't even their choice to die. Jenni and Damion had a life ahead of them...they could've had a family, they could've graduated...

But no....Jack had to end it for them. The Jack I know would have never left his family like that...he would've never killed his own kids...

The Jack I used to know...was not my father..as much as I wish it was true, it's not...