The Diary of a not so beautiful teenage girl

Numb.

Hello Diary,

Nice to see you again, well not see you but you know what i mean.  I touched on this subject in my 'Lets get to know each other' chapter but this time, i'm going to really explain the way that i felt. Numb.

There are many different feelings and emotions that we are taught as children. We are taught about being Angry, being sad, being agitated and were taught how to handle them but why, why are we never taught about feeling Numb. Thats such a weird thing to say isnt it because i've contradicted myself in that sentence but it true. The feeling of numbness, this to me is when something hurts so much that you actually can't feel the pain anymore. that sounds really hard to believe but i have experienced this. I've experienced this on only one occasion.

It's something that can be really hard to imagine the feeling but i will try and help you to understand 'the feeling of being numb'. You know when you get a dead legs after sitting cross legged for a while and it doesnt hurt at first, well this is exactly what it feels like. your whole body goes numb and you could poke and prod at yourself for hours and feel nothing, your heart especially..it feels like your heart is not even in your body anymore, like it has left the cavity empty and yearning for the warm and drum of the heart as it pumps the blood around the body. I love the saying 'Yearning for warmth' because that is exactly what you feel. Your body feels cold and empty, the hairs on your arms and legs springing up as if you have been electrocuted but you haven't...you've been broken.

You know you're broken when you are sat against a cold wall, knees to chest with your head resting on your hands. Your body quivering as the feeling of loneliness slowly creeps over you like a wave climbing up shore. Your brain is working overdrive as you try to comprehend what has happened. Small and silents sobs escape your lips while you sore lips try and soak up with tears that flow down your face, you don't feel these tears slowly cascading down your face but you feel them hit your lips as a stinging sensation spreads throughout you. This feeling was unpleasant but i liked it. It let me know that i was still alive and that i could feel something because something was better than nothing.

The memory of touch and feeling. I was broken but my brain was working overdrive to remember the feeling, The feeling of what? the feeling of Him. The feel of his touch as his hands trailed down to the small of my back. The feeling of his thumb and it would swipe my tears away. I know what you are thinking 'oh here we go. it's going to be a typical chapter about a girl who's heart is broken by a guy' but it's really not. He was not your typical character.

Night Diary.