I'm tired

Is this goodbye?

Things were good for awhile then it all went to hell, i feel as if nothing i do will make my family happy i feel like a damn disappointment and no matter how much i try i can never do anything  to make things right i want to say goodbye to everything and everyone now i'm not right in the head anymore i break down more often than i usually do and no matter how hard i try i can never get things right i'm scared to tell my mom about how i feel or what i feel like doing to myself... i feel like a disgrace... i mean she told me she is glad that i feel bad about my grades...am i really that bad of a child to have..am i really that low of a person to where i feel as if i am not cared about by my family...am i such a horrible person to where i am not capable of being happy myself...am i such a bad person that no matter what i do i always seem to screw everything up...

I guess i am...i deserve to cry every night....i deserve to want to die ... i deserve everything that comes to me...i do not deserve to be going to a magnet school...i don't deserve the friends i have.... i don't deserve my life...i'm just a nobody that no one can possibly care for no matter what happens to me ...if i were dead everyone would be happier and better off without me in their life...i can not stand this anymore...i wish that i can change my life to where i am happy but i cant do that i either have to live with it which i have been doing for the longest time or i can drop off the face of the earth...either way i'm screwed... i guess i can try to live with it for now...