Defying Gravity ➳ Camren (AU)

one

Camila's POV

It was normal for me to feel depressed. To have the strong urge to sleep for eternity without distractions and problems. My mind had enough of self contemplating between the choice to stay with Richard and end things like I rightfully should've two years ago. I could never really bring myself to do it. I craved the love only Richard could give, that's what kept me from proceeding to break up with the man. It was sad to think that I relied on someone's love to keep me upfront but it made sense right?

It made sense to live your life off of other people's opinions and perceptions of you because that's all you had left. Everything you once had; a happy and blissful relationship with everyone you cared about suddenly disappeared within a heartbeat. They were the ones who gave you the opportunity to feel emotions and it was take away from me without notice. It was too sudden for me to comprehend.

Change for me, was unbearable. I was always bitchy and melodramatic about it. I overreacted and let my past slowly crumble my conscience. This was until Richard came. He filled that gap that was etched on my soul. The gap Lauren once filled. I thought I was in love. At least I should be. It would be unfair to him. That would be disrespectful and it would go against all my principals and morals. It was wrong.

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I'm human and I'm only human. I'm drunk on the idea that love, and only love could heal the brokenness. I was so stupid. I always knew being drunk released a reckless devil inside. Whenever I was drunk I made impulsive decisions, jumped off railways, and had unforgettable one night stands. Those were several perks of being intoxicated; you get to experience life at it's finest without anxiety or fear hindering you from living. Life being drunk was fabulous at first.

However, there are also many inevitable complications when I was drunk. I wasn't able to tell what was right from wrong, I wasn't able to stop myself, and worst of all, emotions emerged from the deep depths of my heart. Those emotions blinded me. I wasn't able to remind myself that I deserved better then to be abused and mistreated. I let it happen over and over again. Moments like those made me wish I was sober.

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"Camila!" Richard's hoarse voice echoed around the concrete slabs of our rusty apartment. He repeated it again, trying to summon me. I sat up and complied to his summon, dragging myself toward the origin of sound.

"Yes?" I asked just above a whisper. I was too tired to put any effort in anything. My insomnia was getting more frequent due to all of the depression and anxiety I was feeling. He repeated my name once more. This time, only softer and quieter.

"Cook me dinner." He ordered, motioning me to the kitchen counter. He placed himself flat on the couch, several minutes passed and I heard muffled snores. I listened and prepared low budget roasted vegetables and chicken. It tasted quite bland and dry but it was enough to satisfy my flavor palette. Hopefully, Richard's also.

My boyfriend was already passed out on the couch. I left him to rest peacefully. I had this harrowing headache ever since yesterday. It must've been fatigue or starvation kicking in, either way it was excruciating. My head felt as if  it was burning and pounding every sensitive nerve. We were low income, the medicine we had wasn't licensed and proven to be functional. Yet it was all we could afford.

I hadn't realized that I overdosed on the cheap painkillers until I had woken up on the dusty and decayed bathroom floor. I had no memory of what happened after I had taken the mysterious tablet. The blue pills that were once in the palm of my hand were scattered on fresh and dried blood that surrounded my body. I sat up brushing any remnants of dirt and crumbs. I felt numb and paralyzed, but there wasn't any pain associated with that. I guess those pills worked. I immediately tried to stand up using the little energy I had left.

The atmosphere of the bathroom suddenly changed when I took the first few steps; the world seemed larger, items throughout the bathroom looked more animated and dynamic. I noticed that there was a patch of blood on the edge of the bathroom counter. It was unfamiliar, nothing that happened before was the cause of the raw stain.

My eyes traveled higher to the cracked mirror. There was a long deep gash that went from my hairline to my right eyebrow. It drooled crimson onto my cheeks and neck, leaving a trail of blood. It seemed like a drawing of a vicious abstract painting on my face. My mouth went agape. I was shocked that I couldn't feel anything. The painkillers were rendering the pain. My body started shaking and I couldn't control fretfulness that distributed all over me. I feared the worse to come.

The once big world started shrinking into this small room. My claustrophobia was compromised along with my anxiety and insanity. It was not a good combination. When these three ingredients mixed it always resulted in disaster. It was too fast for me to comprehend. I started panicking, pushing all the walls that had me constricted. I screamed in internal pain and frustration.

The door suddenly flung open and I blacked out for a millisecond. My past lover had barged in with a worried look plastered on her face. Her eyebrows knotted and clover glass eyes hurriedly searched for me. I engulfed her in the tightest embrace. She wrapped her arms around me, calming the storm that had recently erupted.

In her embrace I started to believe that there was no reason to be scared, that she would keep me safe from all the devils who threatened to hurt me. She tingled all my nerves. Begging to relieve my anxiety with her reassuring words and attitude. She hushed my cries with a tender kiss on the forehead. Eventually, after minutes of consistent pleading I was tranquil again.

My tears faded into smiles. Temporary smiles. I had forgotten that she was gone and that I alone once more. Though, in the heat of the moment that's not what I thought. I thought I had her back. I thought I was given another opportunity at happiness once more. I thought I had my home again.

"Shhh. It's alright. I'm here." She hushed quietly, rubbing my back soothingly.

"What are you doing here Lauren?" I pulled away, remembering one last time what it was like to hug my girlfriend.

"I'm have to ask you the same question Camila. What are you doing here? With this man? With your life?" Lauren sighed dejectedly. She shed tears, making sure to emphasize her disappointment and worry.

"I don't know." Plain and simple but it was far more complicated than that.

"Stop doing this to yourself please. " Lauren begged with merciful eyes. She pulled me in another hug drenching my shirt in tears. I reciprocated immediately, cherishing every moment. Eventually she pulled away and everything abruptly stopped.

The walls started tumbling, disintegrating into millions of pieces. I was in a panic. The floor started shaking abnormally, coincidentally throwing me off balance. The walls clouded black. Everything started disappearing, including Lauren. I hurriedly tried to get ahold of her but my hands seemed to go through Lauren's body.

"I can't stay long. I love you Camila. I'll see you again." Lauren reassured. She said a last bittersweet goodbye before fading away. With that, I was left to walk alone in the dark again, feeling what it was like to lose her for the 2nd time.

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A/N: I love cliffhangers. This chapter is fairly short. I apologize for any mistakes, life is busy and stressful. But I promise in future updates to have longer chapters. Have a good morning/evening.

Suggestions?

-Z ✎