Never (Larry Stylinson)

He didn't think it would get this bad.

Never.

He never would have guessed that this is where he would be.

Never.

He didn't think he would ever stoop so low as to harm himself to help his damaged frail figure.

Never.

It was kind of sad really. The kind of sad that makes you question what you were really thinking before , how you managed to lose it , to the point of almost no return. That shouldn't ever happen.

Never.

His muscles slowly faded away, and so did the light in his eyes. All the little and big things that made him happy , slowly faded away too. His life became meaningless and seemed to be eternal in pain. Suffering. Horror. No one should ever come to this.

Never.

In the dictionary, the meaning of never is :

never[ nev-er ]

adverb

1. not ever; at no time: Such an idea never occurred to me.

2. not at all; absolutely not: never mind; This will never do.

3. to no extent or degree: He was never the wiser for his experience.

This is what should happen. Never should people go through this, let alone think, and even do what he's done.

But now he thinks that the word never should no longer exist. Because why have a word that always ends up opposite, incorrectly used, a lie.

Maybe never is just a word, a definition of something that symbolizes the event of something that will never happen, because it can't be a promise.

The dictionary can't promise putting the word never in a sentence, or applying it to a situation or wish, will affect the outcome of whether it happens or not. No one can tell.

Never is a lie. I'll never cut. I'll never pity myself . I'll never loathe to be another being other than myself. I'll never harm myself in any physical or mental way. I'll never lose my mind, never go crazy. Never die by my own purposed actions. Never want to die. Never wish I didn't exist. Never feel like how I do now.

All these things go through his head as he contemplates his decision wisely. End it now? Or tough it out just a tad longer. Just to see what he's worth. His decision will soon be made.

You see, the problem with saying never is there is always a 50/50 chance that it could be the truth or a lie. You don't know if tomorrow you'll say I'll never hurt myself, and the next day you break that word by taking away the pain with harm.

Maybe, just maybe, Louis Tomlinson could look back on his horrid past, see past all the flaws, mistakes and the pain, and move on. Maybe he would never have to feel this way again.

But the problem with never, is you can't trust it. Like someone you met online, or the guy who's sitting next to you on the bus. Their identities are hidden, underneath promises that they are in fact ok to trust. But you know deep in your heart , in the back off your mind, there is a little voice always telling you to stay cautious. Beware. Not to dwell on it.

The problem with never, is that Louis doesn't trust that word anymore. Never is suppose to mean something won't ever happen. But in his case , they do. Everything he's said will never happen, has. A handful of them good, and too many of them bad. Horrible things he can never take back.

Louis no longer uses the word never. As if it never existed. Just like its not even a real word. When someone else says never, it's like a foreign language to him. Never is not an applicable word to any situation anymore. Till the day he dies, and only time can tell that case, he will no longer say, interpret, or believe the word never. He wouldn't dare use such a vile, horrid word that steers the entire world wrong. He won't ever stoop so low again. He shall not use that word.

Never.

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