Free Falling

Chapter 1

       This is hard. I know that it happens to everyone... It feels like I'm hollow inside, there's nothing left for me to feel. No happiness. Nothing. I'm gone and that's that. Nothing ever made me feel more happy the way he did, there was just something about him, there still is, but I'm to late. I still sit here, every night and ask myself the same questions. Why can't I move on? I mean he did it, so it should be easy right? What is it about him that makes me want to hold on? Is it his personality? His looks? His altheticism? What was it? He had me hooked for two years.... Without even trying. Without even wanting me to be hooked. Even when I think about him I miss him. I thought I missed the relationship, but it was something deeper. I finally came to the conclusion I still like him, maybe even love. I'm not gonna make myself fall even harder for him by saying that. I don't even know why I like him still. After everything that we've been through I would usually be done but this is different. I still look back on our old messages, thinking about how happy I was, and I miss it. Now I'm to late, he's moved on. That's fine because it happens and things happen. I still check to see if he's seen the last thing I sent him, but I quickly realize he simply doesn't care, and he never will again because I pushed him away. I just have to be strong, even if he does fall in love with someone else, or seem like the happiest man on earth because he has a girl, his girl, even if I hurt on the inside I have to put on a show. Make sure no one notices how hurt I am. It'll draw too much attention.. But I have to move on, I just. I don't know how that's possible. I couldn't say that's it's "impossible" cause like everyone else says... Even possible is in the word itself blah blah. Whatever right? Trying to get over someone might be a little, uhmmm, difficult.