I sat in the Panera Bread enjoying a lunch with my mom and aunt. We were laughing and having a good time talking about my trip to Kansas to visit my Dad. It was the day I got back from a 7 week visit. I got to visit my dad, stepmom, brother, sisters, my grandma, and papa. I had such a fun time getting to see all of them and i was having a good time telling my mom and aunt what I did. My mom got a call from a number in Kansas and thought she should answer it. It was my stepmom, Anita, and she was hysterical. My mom was trying to figure out what she was saying. After she got what she understood she told Anita bye and was getting ready to tell me what she was told. "Ari, your uncle Bill died," those were her exact words. I felt like i couldn't breath. The feeling was like i had been suffocated by the air around me. I wasn't very close to him, but i still loved him and couldn't believe i hadn't seen him in years and he was gone. I cried in the middle of Panera Bread. My aunt had a hotel that she was staying at for her work, so we decided we were going to stay there for the night. The car ride there was filled with silence except the sound of me crying. When we got to the hotel we just kinda sat there for awhile till i was ready to do something. We decided to go swimming in the pool in the hotel. I thought it would be good to get my mind off what had happened for a little while.
We were down there for about 20 minues with us just splashing around and talking. My mom got another call and it was from my older sister, Becky. My mom went to the bathroom so she could hear my sister. About 10 minutes later she comes out with a very sad look on her face. Her words that she said made me freeze. I didn't breathe cause i didn't want what she had said to be true. I couldn't listen to her anymore. It was like the world around me disappeared and i was alone. "I'm so sorry Ari... I got it wrong; it wasn't your uncle who died." She took a deep breath and i could see tears start to form in her eyes. "It was your grandpa Daryll." Those words were like poison and i didn't want to listen to them. I was numb. I couldn't cry. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I for sure couldn't breathe. I stood there with my mom holding me trying to comfort me.
My aunt came a hugged me from behind. I knew i had them here for me, but i felt so alone after that. I thought about that morning and how i remember looking into his eyes and looking at him seeing him perfectly fine and healthy. I remember kissing him goodbye and telling him i would see him soon. It didn't make sense to have him be gone forever. When i thought about my future or even imagined it he was there.
My wedding day he would be there in the front row looking up at me with tears in his eyes cause he was so proud of me. My graduation from high school he would be sitting with the rest of my family right where i could see them. Everyday that i ever thought about in the future he was there. All those dreams were crushed.
Now i was scheduled to leave in 2 days to go back to my dad's house for a fueral. I guess i would be seeing him again a lot sooner than i thought. Only this time he wouldn't have a smile on his face or be making weird faces. He would be laying there cold and stiff not moving or laughing or anything. I wouldn't get to eat his delicious popcorn, to see the weird face he would make when kissing us goodnight, help him organize his crazy coupon collection, or tell him i love him again and hear him say it back. I was so close to him and i couldn't believe he was gone.
We sat in that hotel room all night and watched a few movies and ordered room service, but nothing would make me smile or laugh it was all just to sad. No matter how hard i tried i couldn't reverse time and go back to save him. I thought about how my grandma must have felt being married to him for over 40 years and he died the day after their anniversary. I thought about how my stepmom must feel because he died the day before her birthday. The grief and pain everyone was going through. I thought about how my brother, Keegen, and my stepmom, Anita, must feel cause they were the only ones in the house when he died. I was at the airport with my dad, Sean, and my grandma, Sue. My little sister, Keeley and Kyah, were at friends houses. My oldest sister, Becky, didn't even live with us because she moved out after fighting with my dad all the time. We all felt terrible. The saddness overwhelmed us. I thought about how my dad and grandma must have felt.
My grandma found her husband dead on the bathroom floor. My dad tried so hard to bring him back to life by doing CPR. When he found it wasn't helping he just grabbed one of his hands and just kept squeezing and crying his eyes out. So much passed through my head before i even got the chance to sleep that night. I tried crying but i couldn't seem to cry. I fell asleep that night at around 2 in the morning. When i woke up i was exhausted and still hadn't cried i still felt numb.
It was my stepmom's birthday, July 17 2011. I called them to wish her a happy birthday and when they picked up i could still hear the saddness in their voices. I wished my stepmom a happy birthday and as soon as i did she said "Thank you, but it's not very happy is it?" I got what she meant because most people would be joyful on their birthdays and so would close family. No one was joyful or happy. We all felt the sad cloud following us around. I was planned to go one a plane back there the next day. I wasn't ready to see him gone. I really still couldn't believe the always so alive grandpa who laughed and made jokes about us was gone. He was kind of a rock for the family. He was fun and caring. He always loved us no matter what and now its like a peice of us was missing. I hung up the phone and went to sit on the couch bed that my aunt had in her hotel room. I just sat there the whole day. I barely ate or got up. I just sat there.
