Tireless

T

Turns out that my 3am self likes writing these quite a lot, so let's write some more

I miss you. I miss you more than anything else in the whole existence of the entire fucking universe. I miss your eyes, your voice, your everything. I miss our movie nights, I miss hiding in your chest when the scary part of a movie happened. I miss how you'd laugh and roll your eyes every time I put in a Disney movie for us to watch, yet sing along to all the songs just as loudly as I was. I miss your ability to make me feel safe. I miss the me I was with you, when I never hurt people and trusted everyone. I miss how you'd encourage me. I miss our soccer games, how loud I'd cheer from the other side of the field when you scored a goal, and how loud you cheered when I saved one. I miss the bus rides going to tournaments, how you'd sing loudly to nursery songs just to get the bus hyped up. I miss when we danced, in front of our classes, in front of the whole school, or even just by our selves in moonlight lit yards. I miss playing video games with you, laughing as we beat each other for endless hours. I miss the way you talked to me, as if I was the most important thing to you. I miss every fucking single thing about you, and it's driving me crazy, because I know I'll never get you back. I miss looking after your little brother. I miss falling asleep in your arms. I miss everything. I miss our competitions we'd make about everything, who could finish the test first or who could say the answer loudest. I miss the freedom I felt around you. I miss how much you loved me when no one else would. I miss you, so fucking much. I miss your kisses and your laugh, I miss the way your eyes lit up or the way your cheeks would turn red during games. I miss how close we were, I miss every single thing about you and I just can't forget you. I miss the camps we went on, I miss our mud fights. I miss our first days of school, I miss our adventures and our plans for the future. I miss how you'd tell me that I was your only one no matter what happened. I miss your smile, I swear it could light up the whole entire room. I miss everything and I just don't know how I'm even surviving without you, because it feels like slowly I'm just breaking even more every day.

[1:35am, 22 December, 2016]