Christmas kiss | Namjin

I love you Kim Seok Jin

This is it, Namjoon has it all planned out. He knows what he is going to do, he has been waiting for this day for so long.

He's finally going to confess his love to Jin.

Is it a bad idea? Yes.

Will he end up shattered in pieces by the end of this? Most likely.

Is he still going to do it? Absolutely.

Because no matter what, Namjoon has to let it all out.

For three years he has been sitting on the sidelines, watching the man he loves without doing anything. He spent so many nights crying because it hurt so much, but now it was all going to end. He's probably -no, scratch that, he will definitely get rejected. Namjoon knows that and he has prepared his heart. In these three years, he has been observing the older one long enough to know, (well, hope..) that instead of getting disgusted and mad, Jin will try to understand. At least a little. Hopefully.

Three years ago when he first realized his fucked up thoughts, he was scared and depressed, but after all this time he has learned to live with it. He, Kim Namjoon, the leader of BTS, is in love with his hyung Kim Seok Jin. That was the absolute truth, a fact no one, not even Namjoon himself could deny. I mean he did try, but no matter what he did, he couldn't stop his heart from picking up the pace everytime Jin came close. All Jin had to do was laugh and immediately Namjoon's stomach would fill with butterflies, when his hyung smiled he couldn't stop his mouth from doing the same thing, he was always happy when he was around Jin. Namjoon's heart broke every time he saw the older one's tears and he wanted to do everything he could to keep the other one happy. And most of the time that's what he did. He did everything in his power to help Jin and put a smile on his face. As long as Jin was happy, that was enough.

So, Namjoon didn't expect anything as he decided what he was going to do. But like I said, he couldn't keep it in anymore. He's sick and tired of his feelings and to his smart brains, this was the only way he was ever going to get better. If he wants to get over Jin and forget his feelings, he has to confess, and after being rejected he can let him go. Obviously this is the plan in Namjoon's head, he doesn't want to think about the 'what if's', he's just going to move forward without thinking too much. If he stops to think, he'll back away like he has for the last five times he was going to confess. He has tried so many times before and failed, this time he was determined to go through with his plan.

Since it's Christmas, everyone's going to go and spend time with their families. It's a rare occasion, they usually work during holidays but not this time. Namjoon's going to confess in the evening and after getting rejected, he'll get to stay with his parents for two days and heal up his heart and at the same time, Jin will be able to get over the shock while being with his family. It's a bit of a dickhead move to confess during Christmas, but Namjoon is too desperate to be generous.

Of course he's not going to just whack the confession against Jin's face and then disappear, he has actually tried to make the moment pleasant for the older one. Okay, obviously that's not possible, let's just say he tried to make it as pleasant as he could.

This year it was the boys' mutual decision to not get each other any Christmas presents. They focused on gifting their families and everyone was more relaxed knowing they didn't have to sneak around just so they could buy each other something. Besides, buying six gifts didn't help their wallets either. So, nobody besides Namjoon bought any gifts. His gift was for Jin. He couldn't just ruin the other one's Christmas without getting him anything in return. Of course Namjoon knows that his gift is not going to make the situation any better, but if he hadn't gotten Jin anything, he would've died out of guilt.

And that leads us to this moment. All the younger ones are in one room playing games and Suga and Hope are making music somewhere, which means that Jin is alone in his room. It's already 2 am and Namjoon is not even sure whether Jin is still awake, he can only cross his fingers as he knocks on the bedroom door.