In the end I couldn't believe that I achieved so much but felt so little I guess it's ironic that with so much for myself I still haven't found out who I am myself . My identity has continued to be a mystery even though I'm the most dedicated to the case . I've tried countless times to come to a conclusion as to who I am . I've experimented . I've died . I've been reborn but I have never had a true calling I guess if questioning everything and being in wonder was a job I'd be the most successful person on the planet but life doesn't have such plans or any type of category for me . I've given up on fitting in and I don't even have a label for myself . I feel that even that is to great a task I am simply an immeasurable force bent on learning and achieving trying to fill the hole left by circumstance and the trivialities of life . I am Tom. I am a monster who wreaks havoc without trying just like a storm I surge with unprecedented anger , with vicious frothing lips I scream silently inside of myself of why I am so hopeless . I have been on a journey far to long without any destination I have seen the sights and I have surveyed the land but I call no place home and no haven has ever been a haven it's always turned into a unimaginable hell . It's become a nightmare creeping down my spine as I lay at night seeking to paralyze me with fear as my body is most vulnerable it is a octopus prying open the shell of its prey seeking out a jewel hidden in the pigs trough . A diamond in the dirt is still a diamond but it can still be covered at the same time who will clean it off you yourself or me I believe we are the same and maybe if this was a love story it would describe you as a angel and I as one who has fallen and you have come to reason with me in my denial in my frustration that yes I have made mistakes that yes I have failed but just once is enough to sober up the man the women the child who had fallen at least in there perception anyway who is to say that that have fallen that they have failed what if things occurred that way because if they did not fail now later on a greater one would befall them . What if fate and destiny and truth all were not in a figurative gray spot and perception was all the same oh how easy life would be ? No it would not be easy because maybe still my reality and your reality would have slight instances of difference and who's to say that not even identical things have that also . It is all a matter of perception no matter how you look at things maybe there are two suns in the sky but to you one appears a little darker a little bit more hectic energy discharging from it like an energetic eight year old . Maybe your darkness is much deeper then the black of night but to a hardened individual your darkness is actually a light in a sullen world . Who are you , you are you but you are not you because you adapt and change you until you are the you that you would like to be but then are you satisfied with who you are until someone says maybe you should do this and you question in your mind you who you are as a person you become someone knew once again your foundation has been shaken ever so lightly and now the waters will creep in unless you seal the cracks and build once again . Continuance is a beauty only the living possess ? Death is continual but who is to say that there is nothing left another matter of perception but also belief but isn't belief founded in perception ?
