Im only Human (Larry Stylinson)

1

“It may be over but it won't stop there,

 I am here for you if you'd only care.

 You touched my heart you touched my soul.

 You changed my life and all my goals.

 And love is blind and that I knew when,

 My heart was blinded by you.

 I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

 Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

 I know you well, I know your smell.

 I've been addicted to you.”

-Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt

I listened to this song while writing this chapter. It is so good so listen to it while reading.

 ___

~Six months prior~

I stand motionless. I feel my body starting to shake as I stare at them.

I knew it wasn’t going to last but I wanted it to oh so badly.

You were becoming distant and when I saw you holding her hand I just knew.

I lost you.

For good this time.

It felt like getting hit by a freight train over and over. It is excruciating feeling and it won’t stop.

I knew there was nothing I could say to make you stay. I saw it in your eyes.

When you look at her.

The way you used to look at me. Oh so long ago. It feels like a life time ago since I have felt your touch. Since I have felt any affection from you.

We had a long run I would give you that, but I knew I was losing.

I lost you after you kissed her in front of everyone. I just knew she won, she stole your heart right underneath me. But I don’t blame you though. I know I should but I don’t. I blame myself most.

I know I must have done something wrong maybe I didn’t show you how much I loved you enough. Maybe I didn’t say I love you right. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, I knew I wasn’t good enough in the beginning.

I knew from the word go, yes I saw it from the beginning but I just took what I got. I cherish it, every single touch, kiss, and feeling. I locked them away in my mind.

I have seen you smile, laugh, and cry. I watched you sleep beside me after a wonderful night. I would stroke your hair just to feel the softness of it. I remember our dreams. We wanted to come out and live happily together. Maybe even have a family after we settle down. But now, everything has changed.

I had your heart for a long time but I let it slip through my fingers and let her claws cling onto you. I should have done something but I know I couldn’t.

All these thoughts go through my head as I turn away from you and walk away. That is all I could do now, walk away.

I fight the tears until I’m alone in my room. I’ll let everything out then but for now I will be strong and get through till the end.