Girl, I got you [Epistolary]

-Day 35-

9:50 PM

Babaeng emo:

Hinatid ako sa bahay ni engineer kagabi.

Babaeng emo:

Na sana hindi na lang. I'm so ashamed. My parents interrogated him and then all of a sudden pinaalis nila. Like, what the hell? They're treating me like I'm just ten. It's frustrating. I hate it!

Babaeng emo:

I hate myself, too, because I can't say no.

Babaeng emo:

I'm such a coward.

Babaeng emo:

Parang 'yung dati lang. Wala pa rin nagbago.

Babaeng emo:

I'm going to confess something. Hindi ko na kaya. I need a listener. I need an adviser. Can it be you?

10:13 PM

Dr. H:

It was and will always be me, Anca.

Babaeng emo:

If I just made a right choice way back, sana hindi ako nasasaktan, 'no?

Dr. H:

What choice did you choose?

Babaeng emo:

I chose to break his heart and mine as well.

Babaeng emo:

'Yung si Gregory kasi, we loved each other way back in college. Hanggang sa nalaman nina Papa na siya 'yung boyfriend ko. They got mad. Because that moment, may anak na siya. Pero wala naman kasing kaso 'yun sakin. I love him, so I will love his son, too. 'Di gano'n naman? Tanggap ko naman, e. I am willing to accept his whole self. I am willing to stay with him.

Babaeng emo:

Pero nagkasakit si Papa, nastroke. Parang kasalanan ko pa nga because they made me choose. Kung itutuloy ko ba 'yung relasyon namin ni Greg, or hindi na magpapagamot si Papa.

Babaeng emo:

What can I do? I couldn't do anything except for breaking our hearts and run away.

Babaeng emo:

Per bakit gano'n Dr. H? After all these years, I always think about him. Maybe I'm a bad daughter because I regret my decision. I should have stood for us. I should have fought for us. But I was a coward and reality was slapping me way back, that I couldn't have the best of both worlds.

Babaeng emo:

And I hate myself for being miserable.

Babaeng emo:

I'm trying so damn hard every day to live.

Babaeng emo:

I live but I don't have a life. It's a curse. Love made me this way. Love is a curse and at the same time it's a cure.

Babaeng emo:

I love my parents. I love him. Why can't I love them both?

Babaeng emo:

Loving them made me miserable. Love is a scary feeling but I still love and will continue loving them even if it's suffocating me.

Babaeng emo:

The scars inside of me are still bleeding. It hurts every fucking day.

Babaeng emo:

Why can't I forget it all?

Babaeng emo:

Why can't I just disappear?

Babaeng emo:

Can I be gone?

11:05 PM

Dr. H:

No.

Dr. H:

I won't allow it.

Dr. H:

You're just depressed, Anca. It will fade, soon.

Dr. H:

And you are not a coward. You're brave.

Dr. H:

Everything you've confessed were signs of bravery.

Dr. H:

You were brave enough to let go of your own happiness to be a good daughter.

Dr. H:

Not everyone can do that. Not everyone can be as selfless as you were.

Dr. H:

Yep, maybe it hurts a lot. Maybe it pained you so much. Maybe it's breaking you until now. Maybe you're still bleeding. But all you have to do is to hold on.

Dr. H:

Kasi 'di ba? Sayang ang lubid.

Dr. H:

And I'm here. I got you big time.

Dr. H:

I'll help you.

Dr. H:

I'll cure you.

Dr. H:

Would you let me?

Seen 11:23 PM

Babaeng emo:

Dr. H...

Dr. H:

Let me be honest with you.

Dr. H:

This isn't love yet and I don't why I'm doing this. It just happened.

Dr. H:

Girl, I really got you.

Dr. H:

So, stay still.