Salvia Nemorosa On Sunset Shores

Trees, Teas & All Things Pear Shaped

I think I'm days away from having a cigarette. I've been considering buying a pack and a nice lighter and hiding them away somewhere. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe in an inside pocket, maybe under my socks, who knows? Here I sit, my back to a tree, looking out over an empty field. I've been loosing a lot recently, everything that makes me me. I'm listening to Gregory Porter on my Ipod, In the In Crowd. This calms me as I look over this desolate yellowy-green field. Often when I drive past here I see sheep, chomping on grass or napping, but not today. It's getting cold, I can feel the breeze creep down my shirt and give my chest a mild chill as well as make my stomach ache. Why am I so worried? I try exhaling again, imitating puffing out cigarette smoke. It doesn't work, still the urge remains.

I look up to the sky, a lovely gradient of blues. Somewhere in there is one of my favourite colours. Off in the distance grey clouds slowly approach. But above me, for the time being, only jet streams - from aeroplanes long gone - block out the beautiful blue. Perfect Blue. I take a sip from my cup. I brought a thermos with me filled with black Darjeeling tea. It felt like paradise. But at the same time, hellish. Why is my stomach aching like this? I asked myself, but the answer doesn't appear. If only it were warmer. It's that weird yes no feeling that looms over me. Logical Paradise. Emotional hell. What a world we live in. I slowly start to slip into a short, soft sleep.

I woke up, hot Darjeeling spilt over my thigh. I must have knocked over my cup while I was drifting in la la land. The clouds are moving in, steadily advancing on my position on top of the lonely hill. I told my parents that I'd be staying at a friends house. a lie. Sometimes I like to do this, wonder up into the nearby hills and spend a night or two surrounded by nature. Of course you cant spend many nights out like this. After time it'll be obvious that you haven't washed or bathed yourself for a while and that your clothes are days old. And besides, there's only so long that wearing a single pair of boxer shorts can be bearable for. I'm an average person, or at least that's what I think. everybody probably gets like this every once in a while. I just get these bizarre emotions of not being motivated and feeling no emotions at all. Like a hollowed out mannequin. I suppose everybody probably does.

I rest my head against the tree and pour myself some more tea. It must be nice being a tree. well actually I take that back. I pull out a paperback from my shoulder bag that lay beside me. I'd had this bag for about 6 years now, it got me most of the way through secondary school and then through college. I open the book to where I'd left my bookmark and started reading again. It was a story about a boy who runs away from home and an old man that can talk to cats. The boy runs away and ends up living in a library while the old man searches for lost felines and ends up meeting a whisky mascot. After a few chapters I push the bookmark between the pages and close the book before returning it to my bag. It's one of those books that you hope never ends.

I finish my tea and decide to have a quick nap. Why not? The sounds of a not so far away stream accompany me in my dreamless sleep.

I wake up from my peaceful sleep. The birds are singing from the nearby trees. I bet it's nicer being a bird than being a tree. I get up and stretch before pulling out a bottle of water. I always seemed to wake up with a horrible taste in my mouth, a kind of gunky sleepy taste and feel. I decided to head back down the hill and venture back to my cosy house.

When I got home why parents smiled and asked how the sleepover was.

"It was good thanks, we watched movies before eventually falling asleep." I reply. A calm smile on my lips.

"That's good to hear. You'll have to have them come over here and stay one day, I don't think me or your dad has met them yet."

"sounds like a plan." I say with a grin as I make my way upstairs to my bedroom.