"You're going to get yourself killed!" My mom screamed at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm not going to lose you!" I could feel my cheeks start to burn as rage started to course through my body.
"I'm not going to get killed! And it's not like you're doing anything to help pay rent and get necessary things! This is the only way we can food for Renée and Anthony!"
"I'm trying to get a job! Just-just please don't go anymore," She sounded defeated as she plead one last time. I scoffed.
"Until you can provide for this family, I'm going to keep making money the only way I know how." I turned and left the room and was shocked to find Anthony sitting on the stairs. He looked into his lap before speaking softly.
"You're leaving again, aren't you?" He looked up at me with red eyes. "Come home safe. Please, Daveed. You have to come home," His voice was cracking. I nodded slowly.
"I will, Anthony. I promise." He ran up and hugged me so tight I thought my ribs would break. I ruffled his hair and pulled away from the hug. Take care of mom and Renée while I'm gone, okay?" Anthony nodded as he watched me leave the house once again. I pulled out my phone and texted my best friend, Jamal.
To: Jamal, 10:45 pm: Hey I'm coming over
To: Daveed, 10:47 pm: Another fight?
I stopped walking and thought about the fight as I tried to keep the tears from falling. I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of my phone going off.
To: Daveed, 10:53 pm: Daveed?
To: Jamal, 10:54 pm: I don't wanna talk about it. I'm here. Let me in.
Jamal opened the door and I was immediately greeted with a hug.
"How are you doing, man?" Jamal stepped back and let me inside while he closed the door. I took my jacket off and sat on his old couch.
"I'm fine, Jamal. Thanks for letting me crash here. You wanna go on a run tomorrow?" I looked up at him with dull eyes. Jamal sighed and sat down next to me.
"Daveed, I don't know if I want to keep doing this. I've been thinking about getting a job at McDonald's or something." I scoffed and rolled my eyes.
"That's not gonna pay bills and feed you and your mom. You'll be on the streets in a matter of weeks." I saw Jamal's face drop as gave in.
"Fine. I'll go with you, but this is the last time." He got up and started heading to his bedroom. "Get some sleep Daveed, we'll head out in the morning."
The next morning Jamal woke me up by gently kicking me in the side. "Dude, wake up. We're gonna be late. We gotta meet Andre in The Hole." I groaned and sat up. It took me a moment to register what he had said.
"We're meeting Andre? I thought we were gonna meet Tyrone." Jamal looked at me like I was stupid.
"Boy, have you been living under a rock? Tyrone got shot last week. Andre's taking over for him." I wasn't surprised. Getting shot in a drug deal isn't rare. My daddy was shot seven years ago. It's why my momma doesn't want me going out on runs anymore.
Jamal and I arrived at The Hole about thirty minutes later than we were supposed to be there. Andre and his boys were already there and didn't look too happy when we pulled up.
"Well look who finally decided show up. You got what I need?" I dug in my pocket and showed him a neat white package.
"We got it, where's our money?" Jamal walked up to stand beside me. Andre elbowed one of his boys and they flashed the money. "Alright. Give us the money and we'll give you the snow." Andre nodded and we made the switch. Just as Jamal and I were about to turn and go, Andre stopped us.
"Oh, and boys," Andre smirked. "Don't expect me to treat you the same way Tyrone did." The next few seconds seemed to go in slow motion. Before either of us could ask what Andre had meant, he pulled out a gun and shot Jamal right between the ribs. I dropped the money and ran towards him while Andre picked up the money and ran to his car. I tried to stop the bleeding as Andre sped away but even Jamal knew he was done for.
"D-Daveed. You gotta...you gotta tell my momma what happened. Tell her I'm sorry and I love her." I felt tears streaming down my face as Jamal took his last breath.
"I will, Jamal. I will."
I didn't eat or talk for days. I couldn't. The only thing I could think about was Jamal's face right as the bullet hit him. The look of fear and failure. The look of pain and sorrow. I didn't pay attention to anything in school or in my day to day life. After a few weeks of this behaviour my momma had had enough. "Daveed, you have to stop this nonsense. After your daddy died I still had to raise three kids and go to work. You need to stop moping around." I stared at her like she was insane.
"What do you expect me to do? I'm gonna end up the same way and so's Anthony. We're young black males, the world is against us. What am I supposed to do now?" I was shocked at how pathetic I sounded. I could tell she had been expecting this conversation to happen.
"You prove the world wrong. You let them know that you're a smart young man with a bright future and that the colour of your skin doesn't determine your success." Her eyes widened as I ambushed her with a hug.
"Alright, momma. I'll make you proud."
The next few months I worked hard in school and got my grades up enough to pass my classes. I'd never seen my momma smile so much in my entire life when I told her how I was doing in school. "Look at my little Daveed. Proving the world wrong one grade at a time." She grinned and hugged me.
"Thank you for everything momma. Without you I wouldn't be working this hard." She kissed my cheek and nodded her head.
"No need for that. It's a mother's job." She paused and gently cupped your cheek. "But right now your job is to go pick up some milk for breakfast tomorrow." I smiled and shook my head.
"Alright. I'll be back soon." I grabbed the keys and turned to leave.
"Daveed," I turned to look at her. "I love you, son." I smiled warmly.
"I love you too momma."
As I was driving back from the store I was blasting music and driving a little recklessly. Driving was one of the only times where I could be free and I must've taken that too far because the next thing I knew, a cop was pulling me over. I felt the fear rising in me and tried to remember everything my daddy taught me when I was little. Hands visible in your lap and only respond with 'yes, sir', 'no, sir', and 'thank you, sir'. The cop came up to my door and I rolled down my window.
"Young man, are you aware of how fast you were driving?" He looked at me with eyes full of disgust and hatred.
"No, sir." He looked me over and huffed.
"License and registration." I opened the glove department and Anthony's plastic gun fell out. I went to pick it up but the cop had the wrong idea.
"Drop the weapon!" He had his gun pointed at me and I started panicking.
"Wait, no! You don't understand! It's not-!" I tried to show him that it was plastic but he had already pulled the trigger. Once again, it seemed that time had slowed down. I had a million thoughts race through my mind. All of my hard work means nothing. The world was against me this entire time. I left Anthony to take care of momma and Renée by himself. I only had one more thought before the bullet ripped through my chest and the world went black forever; I've failed you momma.
