BxB One Shots [Lyle & Syll]

Death terrifies me

[Contains things about death!]

Death. It was one word that was circling around in my head for years. Sometimes I forgot about it but those times became less over the years. I was afraid of death and I'm still extremely terrified. Terrified of even the way how I would die. If I would do it myself or if someone else would do it. Would I live long or die soon?

Knifes and blood scared me the most. That fear always kept me from cutting myself. I hate the way how a knife would cut thru my skin and how blood would flow out. Despite having Lyle with me I couldn't seem to hold onto that happiness that Lyle gave me. It always slipped thru my fingers and left me miserable every time he went to work. He doesn't know about everything or at least I think he doesn't know. Lyle is smart and knows me very good. He can see right thru me. I know he does and I know he actually tries his best. Every time I tell myself how strong I have to be. I have to stay strong for him. I try I really do but the control of my emotions are slipping away. I cry more in his presence and are way more clingy then I used to be.

Back to the thought of death. I never thought I would ever think about it after Lyle and I got together. I thought I would get back on track. To a happier life. A happier existence. Believe me I was happy. Happy that I finally found someone to cherish and some who would love me equally and love me the way I am. I never thought that I would love someone so much I would give him my virginity and share the bed with him, letting him touch every part of my body.

I never thought I would be someones crush, someones boyfriend and someone who he would be prepared to spend his whole life with. I would spend my whole life together with Lyle.

But that never happened. Death came  near quicker then I thought and now... now I'm standing next to a crying Lyle. He is dressed in all black. I put an arm around him and rubbed his back but it didn't really help. It's not like he could feel a ghost. I looked at the coffin my body was in. My soulless body in there. How could I be so stupid to actually kill myself. The thing I was so afraid of all those years.

I slit my wrists. I just closed my eyes and let the cold metal sink into my wrists and cutting myself open. The blood was flowing everywhere and before I knew I passed out on the ground. I was close to death until Lyle found me. I woke up in a hospital and saw Lyle looking at me with red teary eyes. I almost never seen him cry but in that brief moment I saw his eyes sparkle with hope. I felt sorry for leaving him but I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't hold on. I left a letter back at home for him. It's really long but he needed it.

"Sorry, I love you." I sqeeuzed out in a weak voice. I could feel myself dying. I picked up Lyle's hand that was holding mine and kissed the top of his hand and smiled at him. That was my last smile Lyle would ever see, the last kiss Lyle would ever receive from me and the last words Lyle would ever hear of me. Before I knew I was standing next to my hospital bed seeing Lyle desperately screaming for me to wake up. Tears steamed down his face and Lyle held my head against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat and then realised I was dead. I was a ghost. Doctors rushed in and took me away from Lyle. I never seen Lyle so sad and knew I made a mistake.

I followed Lyle everywhere making sure he would be alright. I couldn't witness his death. He could never make the same mistake I made.

Months passed and Lyle was going insane. He was back to his old habits. One day I decided to visit my mom. I haven't seen her after my funeral. But maybe that was the biggest mistake i've ever made. When my mom went out to go to somewhere I decided to go back to Lyle but I didn't think this would happen. I couldn't find Lyle everywhere in the normal rooms so I decided to look in the bathroom. The first time since my death I started to cry. Lyle was laying on the ground with an empty pill bottle in his hand. He overdosed on his anti-depressants. There was a note next to his body and I moved closer to it. I noticed it was my note. But at the end of the note there was written 'Don't worry Syll. I'm coming for you.' Before I could wrap my head around what happened I got pulled away. I don't know where I went. But when I opened my eyes I stood in front of the front door of the apartment. But something was off. I wasn't a ghost anymore. Am I in heaven? Isn't heaven clouds and angels? I opened the front door and walked in. Everything was still the same. I walked into the living room and saw someone standing there with his back faced to me. He turned around facing me. A smile appeared on his face and we ran towards eachother but before I reached Lyle the floor broke in two pieces and a crack was going straight towards Lyle. You could hear screams coming from the crack and i looked up at him. Does this mean? Is this true? It was true. Lyle was going to hell. I smiled at Lyle for again one last time. "I love you." He said to me.

"I love you too." He got pulled into the crack and as soon as he was thru it, it closed up again. Guess we got separated again. I started to cry. This time I will never see my Lyle again. Forever without him.

So I actually had an idea of making it a happy ending but I wasn't into the mood for one. I am kinda proud since I made this in more than an hour? But yeah please don't mind this chapter. I needed some distraction and instead of writing something happy I decided to write something sad. Well I hope you liked it!