SUBJECT 05

Chapter 1

[ B E N ]

My eyes snap open and I have to gasp for air.
"No!" I scream, reaching out to thin air. I violently sit up.
My ears are ringing with the loud screams of the girl. I can still hear her, even now that I'm awake. My head thumps against my skull.

It seemed so real. I can still hear her body hitting the water. Her bones and insides loudly cracking against the black abyss of water below. The screaming in my ears gets louder and louder.

I realise I'm the one screaming. I quickly close my mouth and breathe in, filling my lungs with air. I huff and clutch my chest, feeling my heart thudding against my hand. Hopefully no one heard me scream. My heart is hammering violently against my chest, it feel as if it's trying to escape from my body. My bed is drenched in sweat and so is my skin.

I frantically search around my room, trying to focus on slowing my heart rate. Deep breath in, deep breath out.
In.. Out.. In... Out..
I wheeze in another breath, Finally calming my nerves.

Ive had the same dream for the past week. I'm not going to get use to it, It's seems too real.

My muscles ache as if I was actually there, trying to save that girls life. Her scared blue eyes are permanently stamped in my brain. Throughout the day her blue eyes will randomly flash across my vision. I can't handle this for much longer.

Finally I've fully calmed down, I reach under my bed and push the red button alerting a nurse that Im awake and I'm in need of my medication to calm down.

Just as I sit back up and lean against the bed head her eyes flash before me. Scared blue eyes, desperate almost.
"Let me go, please" her voice echoes around inside my skull. I flinch away from the vision, nearly falling off of the bed. I have to grab at my sheets for protection, As if a few measly blankets would protect me. My heart violently smashes and pumps against my rib cage.

I have to breathe in and out again to calm my nerves.
In.. out.. in.. out... I take one more deep breath before Im finally able to think straight.

On the other side of my door there is a loud thud, making me jump out of my skin. I let out a strangled yelp on accident as it swings open revealing an older woman. She has dirty ash blonde hair and is wearing a blue nurse outfit. She frantically stumbles inside. She holds the door frame for support.

In her hands she holds two small bottles containing my medication. Her eyes are wide, as if she just fell over. Even though I feel like I may have just had a heart attack, I can't help but quietly chuckle at her clumsiness.

She nods in my direction and pretends that I didn't just see her stumble into my room. I force a lazy smile as she wanders over to my bed side.

"Good morning, Benjamin" she leans down to grab a cup from my bedside table. Her perfume is so strong, OH MY GOD. Can't she smell it. It makes my brain ache at how strong it is. I let out a loud groan and fall back onto my bed.

"Morning" I croak a response. My voice sounds like an old man with a toad in his throat.

I look over at the name badge that hangs loosely on the older woman's right shoulder. It reads Linda Hames. She does not look like a Linda, maybe a Chantelle or even a Evelyn. Definitely not a Linda.

"Any bad dreams?" Linda slowly stands back up with a cup in her hands. I moan and roll over to hide my face in my soft pillow.

All the nurses know about my bad dreams. They think I might be suicidal, which I'm not! and It may lead to depression, which It won't! So that means every nurse, doctor, staff member and maybe even some patients must know about my 'bad dreams'.

"Same dream again" the pillow muffles my voice. I don't care if she heard me or not. I bet she already knew what the answer was going to be anyways.

She sighs loudly and I hear her pop the lid of the pill bottle. She clanks and thuds at the sink before turning the tap on. The water loudly flowing out from the tap and into the bottom of the metal sink, then down the drain to oblivion. Just like that girl...

I groan loudly against my pillow before rolling over onto my back. This dream is slowly taking over my life.

"Why are you so moany and grumpy this fine morning?" Linda painfully slow begins to fill the cup with water. I groan again and rub my eyes to rid of any sleep.

I can't say that I'm having flash backs of the dream. They would make me stay here for another month! Maybe even more, I can't stay here any longer! I need to go back home and be with my friends and family.

"I'm just sick of being cooped up in here all day, every day" i sigh loudly, showing my annoyance "it's slowly driving me insane"
I stare up at the white ceiling, ignoring the stern glare that I know I get from Linda

"Only three more days to go"  Linda loudly turns the tap off.

"Yep" I say popping the 'P'. I sigh again as I watch Linda slowly make her way over to me.

Once she has reached the side of my bed I see four small tablets laying in her left hand and a glass of water being held in her right.

"Here you go" she extends her left hand out to me. I extend my own hand out and she drops the pills into my awaiting palm.

I lift my hand to my lips and place a single tablet onto my tongue. She hands me the glass of water to wash it down. I'm so use to having these things I probably don't even need water to swallow them anymore.

~~~

Once I've finished the rest of my medication Linda pats me on the head like a child or a dog. She smiles before finally leaving me alone in my room. I sneer at the door closing behind her. I hate nurses.

Now all I can do is sit here all day, waiting. Only three days to go...

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