Troubles Of My Life ✔️

Saying Goodbye

I was sitting on my doorstep
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand
But I knew I had to do it
And he would not understand
So hard to see myself without him
I felt a piece of my heart break
But when you are standing at a crossroad
There is a choice you got to make

I guess it is going to have to hurt
I guess I am going to have to cry
And let go of some things I have love
To get to the other side
I guess it is going to break me down
Like falling when you try to fly
It is sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

I know there is a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me
Getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet

I guess it is going to have to hurt
I guess I am going to have to cry
And let go of some things I have loved
To get to the other side
I guess it is going to break me down
Like falling when you try to fly
It is sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye

Time, time heals
The wounds that you feel
Somehow, right now

I guess it is going to have to hurt
I guess I am going to have to cry
And let go of some things I have loved
To get to the other side
I guess it is going to break me down
Like falling when you try to fly
It is sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye
I guess I am going to have to cry
And let go of some things I have loved
To get to the other side
Starts with goodbye
The only way you try to find
Moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye
Na na na na na na na
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June...
Today is Friday and it's my last day at university, I'm glad it's over because the work can get stressful.
I'm just starting to show now but I can still hide the bump with baggy clothes and jumpers.
Nothing much has happened lately, I've been busy with work and uni. I'm going to start working less soon before I give it up.
I still haven't talked to my family but I'm going to do that this week. I'm going to visit the people I was close with to say goodbye, I don't know if I could later on.
When I get back I have an ultrasound to go to and I have asked Casey and Joe to come along so they can see their baby and find out the gender.

I get home from uni and put my stuff away before packing some clothes in my bag. I do some tidying up before making dinner so that it's ready for when Casey and Joe get home. We eat and watch tv before I get to tired and go to bed early.

I get up early and have breakfast before putting my bag in my car, I go back inside and grab the last few things I want to take with me.
Casey comes over to me and hugs me before saying "good luck with your family, call me if you need to talk"
I smile and say "thanks so much and I will, have a good week and I will see you and Joe next Saturday when I get back"
She smiles and nods, I go outside to my car and we wave at each other before I drive away.

The first place I go is my parents house, I knock on the door and my mom opens it and smiles at me before hugging me. I say "hi mom, I've missed you"
She say "I missed you too Sop"
I walk inside and we sit down on the couch.
I say "I'm sorry for the way I left but I wasn't sure how you would react, I needed some time before talking to you again but I left it to late to call so I thought I would come see you now while I can"
She looks confused and asks "what do you mean while you can"
I go to tell her about the cancer but realise I can't, what parent should know that their child is going to die before them. Instead I just say "you know things will be busy and I might not be around so I won't be able to see you"
We talk for awhile about how I am going so far and what's it's like away from home. My dad came over to us and joined in the conversation and then we made lunch. We talked about what had been going on with them and how work was for them.
I go to leave when I see my sister and her boyfriend get home, she hugs me and says "even though we don't always get along, I've missed you around here"
I say "it's good to see you"
We talk for a bit before I have to go. I hug them all goodbye before I leave.

I spend the next week going around to visit family I was close to, it was mostly aunts, uncles, cousin and grandparents, I made it to see my brother and his partner which was good as being on the other side of the country it's hard to see each other when we used to be so close. I found it hard to say goodbye to them especially when they don't know it will probably be the last time but I don't want them to suffer knowing that I will die.