**Living In My Mind**

Lost

This feeling is white, like a blank piece of paper I can’t fill words with. The feeling is looking at a story but none of the words are real. It is just like listening to another language on audio with no visuals, and no previous study. It’s white, and there’s so many things that it could be, but the color is vast with opportunity. It’s like predicting the future of next year.

It seems like you’re spinning out of control in the darkness and wandering around hoping that somebody else will find you, because there’s nowhere else to go. It’s wishing that you could do something, even when there’s nothing left to change. It’s exactly when time moves on and you’re stuck there, not knowing what to say, what to do, what to feel, or what to see next. This emotion is asking so many questions but there’s nobody there to give you an answer.

This is when you ask yourself what your life is for. When you wander who you are, what your dream is, and what you’re going to do about it. It’s asking yourself where God is, but you feel like even he isn’t around to answer your questions. It’s when you don’t know what you’ve done and why, and there is no possible way to fix it. Just like when you ask yourself what you mean to this world, because there is no way to please your inquiries. This emotion is never knowing who you are, or what you’re worth, because there’s nobody there to back you up. It’s the reason you chase a light in the darkness, the reason you move through a fog, it’s the blind meaningless chaos around you. It feels like your darkest hour, your loneliest searching, your intangible desires; and as the world falls blissfully into nothing but questions, your mind reels searching for what you can’t grasp.

It's the way that I feel without him.

-Lost

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