and so i admire people and the little things they do so beautiful. i am climbing my fingers up the dry side of a crying windshield asking what i did so wrong. i repeated the same tunes and they still guide me through my hazy nightmares. i thought staying in the car glancing around the streetlights with good music fill the bores within your terrifying skin but then i go back asking again why am i always alone. i admire people because they love to laugh and i love how they're always happy, crinkly eyes of an out of tuned piano clinks and they're laughing beneath shimmering nights. but then i ask myself why am i not like that. i think being happy is pretty and i always wanted to be pretty but then i ask myself how to be happy beneath a lonely night. they say music heals, i believed. i repeated the same happy tunes, still nothing. and then i go back to the calming times where a scenario in your head blabs before your eyes went shut, making crevices to a steady surface of reality. the next morning i found myself thinking that those scenarios were stupid. it was, beautiful and touching and loving but fuck man it was unreal. i covered away the thoughts like the blood upon my burnt leg in the morning where i'd make a sketch of a "bright", educated future, they say. and so i admire people and the little things they do so beautiful. i admire people because they love to laugh and i love how they're always happy, crinkly eyes of an out of tuned piano clinks and they're laughing beneath shimmering nights. then i wondered, "why won't i brew myself into people?". and that's the moment i realized it's the realest damn question.
