Forever / Ziam Mayne (completed)

Ch.1

~Zayn's POV December 31st 1961~

New Years Eve......An end to a dreadful year and then a start of another long miserable year. That's pretty much how I though of it. You can only choose to make it good year for yourself but things don't usually go that way especially in reality. The world is a dark hateful place, it cares less about the dreamers and only accepted the doers. dreaming was a sin in today's society if dreams were to come true it would only be out of luck but as always there is a price, there is a price to everything we receive.

Another miserable year that I had to go through, keeping in who I really was inside. I guess you could say I was a dreamer due to my wild ideas but I was also a disgrace to society. I was a queer, fag, a gay.

In the 60's if you were to come out gay you would only be look down upon, treated badly and even killed. It was as bad as being colored in America during that time.

However gays everywhere in the world were forced to hide who they were, they were called dirty, mentally retarded dummy's who had no chance at becoming successful which was ironic because many successful people in London were gay but know one knew that. I can name a few people who advised and managed big people.

One famous man Brian Epstein who managed the Beatles was a very smart and wise charming man, woman found him quite attractive yet he had no interest in them. The pain of hiding his sexuality from the world ruined him and even killed him.

Luckily I did not have the attention like Brian had so I guess you could say I was more free but honestly I was not. I was afraid to make a move on a guy I was attracted to because I feared they would be straight and do something really harsh after realizing I was gay. I hated being around my family because all they spoke about was how dirty colored, Russians, and gays were. They were anti everything. If they were to find out what I was they would disown me. My sister was the only one who knew and she understood.

When I'd visit she'd have one of her friends accompany me so it looked like I was straight. My parents desire for me to have a wife and kids were only fantasies but I did not want to crush their dreams for me yet I knew I couldn't hide forever.

I'm Zayn Malik by the way, I am 19 years old and I live in England's biggest city London. At that time it was the swinging 60's. The British invasion was yet to come in the coming years but for now London was filled with a new teen rebellion.

Rock n roll poured from clubs, teens wasted money on clothes and motorbikes and American records.

They were separated into two groups...the mods and the rockers. Mods wore nice fit clothes, partied with drugs all night, and rode around on Italian scooters while the Rockers wore leather, listened to rock and rode motorbikes. The two hated each other.

I was a Rocker, I loved rock n roll and my bike although I never treated Mods bad. I was an independent Rocker yet I had my friends. My best friend Niall was the only one out of my friends who knew my secret and he questioned his own self so I didn't mind him knowing. 

Anyways back to me, as you know I am gay. I lived with my mate Harry in a small flat but I was always alone there because Harry had a girlfriend and he basically spent everyday with her so I always had the place to myself. She did come over a few times and I will admit she was very annoying and controlling. If I was straight I wouldn't go for such a bitch but it was Harry's choice.

Standing near the river on a small old  bridge I watched the stars twinkle in the midnight sky as the cold winter air wiped my face making me numb all over while cold shivers were sent down my spine. I spent the New Years alone as usual in the quiet dusk night. At least I thought I was alone.