Whispers of Trust -Sequel to Losing Hope (Finished 3/26/2021)

Safe

//Merry Christmas my wonderful lovely mushrooms. I couldn't think of a better present than this. I know it wasn't too long of a wait, I didn't build much tension. But I was dying to begin the beautiful domestic life that is starting here. So here we go. MERRY CHRISTMAS my flamboyant mushrooms I love you so much. Enjoy. 💙💙//

Have you ever had a moment where every thing freezes? Right after something huge has happened, time skids to a halt as if to give you enough time to process what happened. You look around and realize, oh my god, I'm real and this is real and this is happening in my real life. And you can even look around and see the glassy look of everyone else feeling that same overwhelmed amazement. You know those moments? I'm in one right now, all five of us are, stood here in silence in a living room, shivering, panting, and glancing at each other with jaw-dropping, time-stopping wonder. We are safe. Frank is wrapped in Gerard's arms, Ashley is clutching my hand, and James is staring at me, wearing the same wide eyed expression as I am. "We made it..." I hear Ashley whisper. I look up at him, he's right. Just now, just today, we escaped a past life. The fire alarm Ashley set off opened all of the locked doors so patients could get outside safely. Ashley grabbed me and James, and we ran. We ran like hells hounds were at our heels, all the way to Frank and Gerard's apparently new house. Now we stood in a half circle, touching and holding each other, making sure this wasn't a dream. James looks at me.
"I'm free..." he whispers, looking around. I smile and nod happily. I look past Gerard and frank happily kissing, back to Ashley. I reach up cradling his cheek in my hand. I open my mouth in an attempt to explain how amazed and happy I am, but all that comes out is a whispery "Ash-" He grins.
"I missed you too." He grabs me into a tight hug kissing my forehead. Gerard, his arms still around frank speaks up.
"Well, Ashley, Andy, and James, for now this can be your home. There is room in the basement and James the living room has a couch."
"Our home is your home," Frank adds with a warm smile. "Your welcome here." James' smile splits his face and tears well in his eyes.
"Thank you guys...thank you..." I turn from Ashley and pull James into a hug. His arms wrap around my thin frame holding me tight. "You saved me. I'm not alone anymore." He steps away and Ashley puts his hands around my waist.
"None of us are alone. We don't have to be anymore."
"You never will be again," frank says walking over, Gerard in hand. "You have family now." Tears spill over onto James' cheeks. Gerard's eyes lights up, and frank looks up questioningly.
"Family..." he whispers and frank giggles kissing his cheek.
"Family." Frank repeats. Suddenly it feels permanent. It feels settled. Gerard and Frank are engaged, have a house, and now all 5 of us are here, living in this blessing. Who could have guessed it would end up like this?
Frank and Gerard set up blankets and pillows on the couch and we leave James there, as he repeats thank you under his breath repeatedly. Frank brushes back his sky blue hair and tells him this is nothing, it's only being caring. It's like James had never had someone care for him like this before. This seems so foreign to him by the way he reacts so full of gratitude. I hug him tightly and he tells me to sleep well before the living room lamp is switched off for the night. Me and Ashley are given a queen sized blow up bed, pillows and a quilt and are shown the basement door. Frank hugs me tight tell me how good it is to see me healthy and safe again. Gerard claps me on the back, muttering about how proud he is. Frank whispers to Gerard before wishing us good night and heading upstairs. I open the basement door but Gerard catches Ashley's arm one last time and tells me to go ahead. I step though the basement door, close it and press my ear to the other side.
"Your like me Ashley. You may be a bit damaged, but the one you love need you. He is fragile."
"I know." His voice is quiet, defensive.
"The only thing is, if anything, if you can only do one thing, protect
him. By god protect him with everything you have in you."
"I will."
"Promise me. I see a young Frank in Andy. Things will get harder before they get easier."
"I swear." I hear foot steps and run down stairs, unrolling the bed. He step down as I plug in the fan to begin inflating the bed. He sits next to me on the floor, pulling me into his lap. I look up into his eyes.
"The new year is coming soon Andy." I nod in response. He runs his hand through my hair and I rest my head against his chest. "This can be the start of our new life Andy. I'll be 18 in January, we can live here until then, I'll get a job, we can live normal lives."
Normal. God how good does that sound. A normal life with my normal boy friend and our normal friends. But that's not who we are is it? Gerard and Frank lived in a shack, James was in solitary confinement in a mental hospital, I survived a suicide attempt, and my boyfriend escaped from the foster system. We are weird, dysfunctional, but I love it. Just the way we are, but without the words to explain it, I simply entwine my fingers with Ashley's kissing his fingers, and his smile says he understands. We crawl into the bed together. He wraps me in his arms, holding me close, his hand in my hair. He watches me intently, always touching me. It's as if he is afraid I will blink out of existence. I can understand it though, I feel the same. I'm afraid to close my eyes, and wake up in the mental hospital bed once again. I want to tell him how much I love him, how much I'm afraid to lose him, how much I need to be held by him, how much my life depends on him. I want to tell him that I'm his forever, but something stops me. Am I unable to speak, or am I too afraid to speak words so permanent? What does it matter though? He is here. I am here. James is safe. This could be my life. I could sleep in his arms every night. What more could I ever want in this world? I know what.
I want to speak.
I want to kiss.
I want to be deeply, madly in love.
But I guess that last one is already true. I fall asleep curled up in his arms for the first time in much, much too long. I love him, god I love him. I only hope he knows how much.