I woke up in the hard, uncomfortable bed from the hospital. My mom wasn't in the room.
Where was she?
I heard some faint voices from the outside of my door. I assumed that my mother was talking to the doctor. I remember talking to him last night. About what, I couldn't recall. He told me I was very sick and then.......
Then it hit me.
I was going to rehab.
Why? Oh, that's right. Because apparently I am 30 pounds underweight and my esophagus is burned up. I had to devise a plan to escape from this horrid situation. "I might be able to jump out of the window," I muttered under my breath. I got up off the bed without making a sound, grabbed my I.V., and walked over to the window sill. I looked down. I was on the second story of the 3 story building. Dang it. I don't know what to do now. I REALLY do not want to go to this stupid rehab center thing. It sounds terrible. I mean, they encourage weight GAIN. Not weight loss but weight gain! I couldn't last a day there.
Being lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice my mom and the doctor walking in. My mom's eyes were still red, but they weren't as puffy. I saw that the doctor looked very sad as well.
"Well, Melanie, your mom has told me that you have to go to the clinic to get help with your eating disorders." The doctor explained.
I shook my head.
"No." I muttered, turning my head away.
"Melanie, you no longer have a choice."
'As if I had one before,' I thought bitterly.
"You will be allowed to leave the hospital today and you will be dropped off at the clinic tomorrow. Meanwhile, you better get up and eat something or you will have to stay here for another day."
I turned my head back towards him in disbelief. My mouth dropped open. I couldn't believe it! I had to eat or I would be stuck here in this jail cell that smells like antiseptic. Such torture, I say.
"Fine. But, I get to choose what I eat."
The doctor reluctantly agreed. He did tell me though that I had rules. I could NOT order a salad or just one item. I had to get at least 3 different things and they had to be real foods, not snacks. I nodded my head in agreement, even though I thought that was stupid. What if I wasn't hungry? I rarely am anyways.
I watched as the doctor left. My mom then looked over at me.
"I'm ordering for you. You will eat what I give you," she demanded me.
I then thought of a very good idea. I could just puke back up the food! They didn't say that I couldn't do that. I nodded my head towards her and muttered,
"Sure. That sounds fine."
She glared at me and then went off.
"I'm going to the cafeteria. I'll be back."
The door practically slammed as she left. I dropped back down onto the bed as I began thinking. 'Was it really worth this? Did I really need to worry my mom so much?' That was my good side speaking. My bad side told me, 'Go ahead. She always made you worry! Now, it's your turn.'
I agreed with my bad side.
***
My mother came back a few minutes later. She was holding a tray full of food. There was a burger, a side of fries, a small box of chicken nuggets, and a large banana-strawberry smoothie. I gulped down the bile that was threatening to spill out of my mouth.
"Here. Now eat."
My mother came over and handed me the food. I hesitantly accepted and placed it down upon my lap. I just stared at it for who knows how long.
"Why aren't you eating?" my mother asked.
"I'm not very hungry," I lied. I was actually very hungry.
"I can tell you're lying," she sneered.
I sighed loudly and began unwrapping the burger. It smelled heavenly. I picked it up lightly and slowly brought it towards my mouth. I placed it into my mouth and savored the taste. I then started to devoure the entire plate. The fries were crunchy and salty. The smoothie was rich and thick and creamy. The chicken nuggets were slightly overdone and were very crispy.
After I ate all of that, I couldn't believe it. I immediatly moved the tray away and got up. I ran over to the bathroom and watched all of that delightful food fall into the porcelain bowl. My nose started burning and my throat hurt like crazy. I moved away from the toilet and stood up. Then I saw it.
There was blood in my puke.
