But It's Over Now

Chapter 3

Tinungo ko ang exit at saka ay nagmadaling maglakad papunta sa shed upang mag-abang ng taxi. All I wanna do is to go home and take a rest. This day sucks! I am starting to get mad at him, really mad. Palagi nalang niya akong kinukulit, palagi nalang niya akong sinusundan. Nakakapikon! But why do I have this feeling that I'm starting to hate myself more? Pfft. Feelings are really the most complicated.

I rode a cab and went straight home. Gusto kong magpahinga, gusto kong tanggalin ang takot na nararamdaman ko. All this time, I was lying to myself. All this time I was a coward hiding in a facade of false courage.

I flopped in my bed and closed my eyelids. Tears gathered in my eyes and one by one, fell on my cheeks. Memories came rushing back and I couldn't contain the sobs anymore.

"Mommy...." I silently call her. "I miss you, 'My. Please come back."

Pinilit kong pigilin ang iyak ko. Pinilit kong kalabanin ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. But I end up crying harder.... I can still hear the gunshots in my head, I can still smell the blood coming from my mother, I can still hear myself weeping. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakaalis sa madilim na lugar na 'yon. Ang tanging naaalala ko lang ang may isang taong humihila sa akin palabas upang lumabas at makatakas. Wala na akong matandaan kundi ang mukha ng aking ama na walang bakas ng kahit anong pangamba at pag-aalala sa aming mag-ina.

"Daddy, where's Mommy?" I asked him. Still, his expression didn't change.

"She's gone. Try to forget her from now on." He said and I gaped at him. My heart skipped a beat, I can't breath. How can he stay calm? How can he simply utter those words while here I am dying in pain? Unbelievable.

"Dad?" I called him. I searched for his face and all I saw was an expressionless man with a heart as cold as ice.

Without words, he turned his back on me and I didn't just lost a mother, I too, lost my dad in an instant.

Kinabukasan, hinayaan kong maging abala ang sarili ko sa mga gawain sa aking klase. Nahuhuli kong nakatingin siya sa akin ngunit pinalalampas ko ito. Ayokong maging mas magulo pa ang takbo ng buhay ko.

Sobrang alinsangan ng panahon ngayon kung kaya't naisipan kong bumili muna ng bottled water bago magtungo sa sunod kong klase. Tumingin ako sa relo ko and it somehow tells that I still have 10 minutes remaining before my class starts. Binilisan ko na agad ang lakad upang marating ang isang tindahan sa may bandand dulo ng aming silid.

"Ate, isang bottled water naman po." I politely told the woman about in her thirties. She smiled pleasantly at me and I remembered how my mother did the same way back then. Nalungkot ako bigla, but I immediately recover and returned her smile. I returned her smile and gave her a 20-peso bill.

I went back to my class and almost all of my classmates were already there. All seats are occupied maliban sa isa dun isang nasa dulo. Agad kong tinungo iyon at inilagay ang bag ko sa aking likuran. Dumating na ang aming propesor at nagsimula na siya sa kanyang leksyon.

"Accounting, this subject shouldn't be taken for granted. Especially that you are in a business-related course." His voice is so manly but low yet it sounds velvet in the ears. He's fresh-graduate from UP Diliman and one of the top notchers in CPA Board Exam, yeah he's one of a hell good-looking man. He has this brown eyes that conveys so much. I couldn't help but feel mesmerized. His lectures went on. Sa sobrang galing niya, hindi ko namalayan ang oras. His sense of humor is indeed one of a kind.

I am about to leave the classroom when someone handed me a letter. His face looks unfamiliar to me and I instantly arched my brow.

"What's this?" I asked him. He looked at me as if I am this stupid to not know what it was he handed me.

"A letter." He gave me lopsided grin. I nearly punched his face in disbelief. Argh!

"I know this is a letter, jerk! But why are you giving this?"

"Gray told me to do so. That guy! Such an asshole."

I crumpled the letter but he already ran away before I can manage to throw it on his face. I irritatedly put it in my pocket and walked towards our next class.

I sat on one of the vacant seats... Thirty minutes had gone by and our professor isn't at sight yet. According to the University's Manual, teachers are considered absent when they didn't make it after 30 minutes. I rumagged for my earphone and put it in my ears. I closed my eyes for a moment and I saw his face glitch with sadness. What the?! I looked for him and saw him reading a book. My heart melts at the sight of him. Guilt, maybe that's what I am experiencing right now. But why would I? My fears are beyond my control and he's the one who triggers it more. He shouldn't have followed me! I looked away wishing for this guilt to fade away. Nakakainis 'to. Di naman kami close pero bakit ba pakiramdam ko, ang laki ng kasalanan ko sa kanya?

I walked outside the room and saw him still sitting idly inside. He's still reading his book. Lakas makapangunsensya nito. But I am the one who told him to stay away. Grabe talaga. E ano naman ba ha, Riley?! Hayaan mo nga siya.

Nagpunta ako sa Library para maghanap ng libro na pwede kong pagtuunan ng pansin. I scanned the shelves and found piles of book written by Nicholas Sparks. A Walk to Remember, I did watched this movie but it's true that reading brings you more. Mas madaming twists sa book kesa sa movie, yeah sure, because movie has its own time limit while book? None.

Nagsimula akong basahin ang librong napili ko. Ayaw ko pa sanang umuwi at mas gustong palipasin muna ang oras ko dito, alam kong nasa bahay ngayon si Daddy at mamayang gabi pa siya tiyak na aalis. I flipped the next page and tried concentrating with the words but my mind just slips it off. Ayaw maabsorb ng utak ko yung binabasa ko. Kaya ang ending? Nakatunganga ako. As for a moment, I remembered the letter. I groped it in my bag and felt guilty when I saw it crumpled. I open it and it says:

Maddi,

I am sorry about what happened. Wala na bang ibang gawin 'to kundi magsorry? I thought feeling a little pain inside.I just want to make friends with you. The day my eyes clapped on you, I know that I have to protect you from any harm. Please, let me. My intentions are clean, please don't get my actions wrong. Promise, hindi ko guguluhin ang mga plano mo. Hayaan mo lang ako na bantayan ka. Kahit sa malayo. Please.