and again and again and

save the savior

Emma Swan broke the curse. she also caused it, sort of, but i don't want to thank her for anything. i just kind of really want to kill her and not feel bad. the searing pain in my throats doesn't let me try to forget anything.

Emma comes around the diner often enough that we speak, casually. well, she speaks and i nod. so it gets a little deep. she doesn't think i talk to anybody, so she just spills her secrets. what she doesn't know? her biological son, Henry- we're all sure of it now- knows sign language.

"-Henry's father. i thought he left me to go to jail because he was a messed up son of a- gun, but he found out who i was and knew i had to come here. that still makes no sense, because he could have sent me here, but- i don't know."

i nod. Emma has issues. doesn't make her murder any less justifiable. Henry eyes me from his hidden booth, and i sign "she has a lot of feelings" to him. he grins and sips his cinnamon hot chocolate. what a kid, really.

"the outsider- he's awake," Mary Margaret declares, bursting into the diner.

"that's really all i have to say, except that i want his fiancée out, now," Emma mutters, then scurries after Snow White. i cover a laugh, and Henry raises his eyebrows at me, sneaking over for a quick second.

"she's jealous of Tamara," i sign to him. "you better keep it quiet, though." he nods, salutes, and runs out the door. honestly, i don't understand Emma- Tamara hasn't been here long, and she hasn't done anything particularly threatening except be engaged to the love of Emma's life. which, when put in perspective, does seem pretty evil, actually. i laugh to myself and continue wiping down tables.

i dream of wicked smiles and a true love strengthened and ruined by destiny for the fourth night in a row the night after the outsider crashes on the town line, so i pay another visit to Mister Gold. he eyes me cautiously when i enter the store, this time armed with a stack of sticky notes.

"who is he to you?"

"a freak of nature who doesn't deserve the gift of life. what do you want?" Rumplestiltskin snaps. i hold a hand up in apology, already writing my next note.

"he killed me and cursed me to silence."

"good."

"if you know him, you know why i don't want my memories."

"once again, i need payment, dearie. magic always comes at a price."

i huff, trying to think, because i didn't remember that part walking in here. "i'll stop bothering you."

"yes, that's a given. you won't know who i am, nor will you know who my fath- he is."

my eyes widen in surprise. father? i'm thrown out of the shop, across the street, and knocked unconscious by breaking a window before i can have any more thoughts on that.

but when i wake up, i remember. Doctor Whale releases me and hands me off to Ruby, who brings me to Belle. or "Lacey," as she introduces herself. Ruby smiles sadly.

"how did i end up surrounding myself with amnesiacs?"

i laugh, and tap her arm with my fist, because i want her happy. Belle just narrows her eyes in judgement. isn't Belle supposed to be all humble and down to earth and a bookworm?

though, Peter Pan is supposed to be some sort of justifiable little hero. not a ticking time bomb who can't admit his own feelings. Disney sort of has everything wrong with that one, from what i can remember of the movies when i was young.

"what do you mean?" Belle asks Ruby, who just looks at me pointedly. i curl in on myself because that- i didn't expect the moment to become to centered on me that i would be reminded that i'm a horrible person and a liar.

we leave Belle to help Granny with the diner. i try to pretend not everything reminds me of my love, and Ruby pretends that she's happy. one of those is way worse than the other, so i make Ruby several coffees over the course of our shift.

"Ivy!"

i look up from the mysterious blue stain on one of the tables to avoid being bulldozed by Henry, who yanks at my apron.

"my mom's in trouble, and my mom said it's Tamara but nobody believes her."

"by context," i sign in reply, "you're saying that Emma is being really obvious about her jealousy?"

"no," he responds, groaning and forgetting about signing his words, "there's something seriously wrong. we can't find my mom, Regina, the mayor, the Queen?"

"hey, stay calm, there's your grandparents running down the street." i grab Henry's shoulder when he tries to turn and run. "you're staying here until Regina's safe," i sign. he huffs, but sits and waits expectantly for hot chocolate. "scrub this stain, i'll figure something out."

"so Ivy," Henry begins when i sit next to him for careful supervision, "you really don't remember your fairytale life?"

"yeah," i nod, but it's hard to lie to a kid. i just can't do it. why can i lie to who should be my best friend and not a little kid?

"likely story."

luckily, we're interrupted by the town falling apart. i lose track of Henry in the chaos, and then find him again when it's all over- with the outsider and Tamara. there's something odd about them.

"-to destroy magic, once and for all."

i follow closely to listen in.

"who do you work for?" thanks, Henry.

"not important right now. what is important is that you come with us."

the outsider pulls something from his pocket. just as i recognize the magic bean and start running, it's too late. the portal is closed. David nearly runs into me trying to stop them, as well. i stare at the ground, and the slight char from the magic, with disgust. Emma cries a little- her son is gone and his father is dead. i pat her shoulder a few times and settle next to Ruby for the usual Granny's Diner Crisis Pep Talk.